Peace, Happiness and a New Year

[mleigh4]

Hi Hawho. I already planned on changing things up with S to see if it will help. I just thought I could talk to his dad about it...silly me!

I took down our last wedding picture on the wall today, along with our family pic from our recent cruise. Not one sign of H any longer in this house, except for S room. I feel my disconnect is speeding up...

Went to the beach today. I had some great soul soothing! I really needed that.

H texted he was on his way to drop off S in 1/2 hour, but I was 40 minutes away having lunch with an ocean view So I let him know and what time I would be home.

He came with S and took me into the kitchen away from S to ask if he could take a dolly in the garage. I said sure, then asked, do you just want to take the rest of your things? He said, you get upset when I take things. Very true and thoughtful, but I realise I am past that point, so I told him it makes no sense to take one thing at a time. I told him he can take his things. He told me, if you want, you can box them up in a marked box and put them aside for now? Seriously, they just can't cut that tie, can they? I just said ok. Actually, I already did that with his things in the house. I am now getting tired of looking at his things in the garage.

His comment made me think, is he holding back on closure in fear of "hurting" me? I had planned on waiting until his 1 year move out anniversary, but sent him a message a week early. I thanked him for being concerned about my feelings, and I let him know I am past that and he really is free to take the rest of his things. I also let him know I hope his fear of hurting me is not what holds him back from finishing what has been started. I told him I am ok and I know, no matter what, I will be fine. I told him, in fact, I am hoping for some resolution this year, that I am at a point where I need some answers, movement or closure. That being separated for 2 1/2 years and not talking about it at all for a year makes no sense and does not feel right to me. So I suggested we get together in the next few months to discuss how to handle things...

So, ya, it's out there and I feel ok about it. Again, I am feeling pulled in this direction so I am going with it. I may get absolutely no response or reaction, he may continue to live in his ignore and avoid world. And that will either cause me to let it keep going on, or take further steps myself. It's a learning experience for me and I need some movement within, it's no longer about what he will do. It's become about what I need to do for me. It's finally about me.