I have been doing a lot of thinking about what to do and where to go next with my situation over the last few days and just seem to end up more confused as to what my goals and 180s should be.
Basic current situation in a nutshell is this:
* H moved out 11 weeks ago. He is living on the same street, so only a short walk from our home.
* He chooses as and when to come round and how long to stay. He has let the children down a lot, telling them he will be coming and then not showing up - doesn't even call or text to say he's no longer coming.
* When he comes round it is like nothing has changed - he treats me the same and starts all the conversations as I am only speaking when spoken to in an effort to be 'dark'. He has cooked meals and had meals I've cooked. (I wonder if this should stop?)
* Finances are still running the same as before he moved out - joint accounts etc. This is worrying me!
* He has started a Facebook page that he doesn't know I know about. He originally had his relationship status as 'single', now it has changed to 'it's complicated'.
* I have discovered he has bought a motorbike since he left. Again, he doesn't know that I know this. I have no idea how much this has cost out of our joint finances!
* He has also taken out a credit card - he doesn't know that I know this either.
So, my thoughts and queries are this:
1. Should I make myself scarce when he is in our home? Bearing in mind this would be a lot! For example, this week I would have had to make myself scarce 3 full evenings! OR Should I be setting some boundaries as to how often and how long he can come round for?
2. Should I let him know that I know he's bought a motorbike and ask how much he has spent. After all, I'm assuming this will be an asset that has to be taken into account that he is hiding behind my back! If so - how!?!?
3. Should I ask that we now meet to discuss splitting our finances/access to the kids in view of the above secret purchase and taking out credit cards? Who knows what else he is doing financially behind my back!
4. What DBing techniques should I be using now? It is hard to go dark when he is here all the time and seems to expect that I just welcome him in with open arms and treat him as though there is nothing wrong! I don't initiate conversations or texts, but that is as much as I'm really doing. Oh, and I'm making sure I look great all the time.
My Dad thinks I should now be giving an ultimatum, though obviously he hasn't read DR. He thinks I should say something along the lines of:
"Either we discuss finances/access to children etc now and you start the ball rolling with formal separation/divorce, or, you come back for 6 months to work on M with counselling and if, after those 6 months nothing has changed, that will be it."
My Mum thinks I'm crazy to want him back after everything he has done and also because of how he is with our S.
