REALLY trying to detach...but GALing regardless!

[- MB -]

I was doing better. I was GALing even though I didn't want to. I even had some fun doing it. A couple of nights ago I even felt happy for the first time since New Year's Eve. Didn't really feel like doing much, but I did go for a walk even though it was cold. Then, I took my youngest D to my sister's house to play cards with her and her H. Had a nice time. When we left there at about 11:30 last night D wanted ice cream so I took her to the store really quick on the way home. As we were almost home I passed Hs house (it's on the way) and saw OWs truck in the driveway I front of his. I honestly didn't expect that at all. She lives 5 hrs away and these aren't his days off. Sigh....I guess I don't even know if he's working anymore. I don't know anything. I guess it shouldn't have bothered me as much as it did, but it actually felt like someone took a baseball bat and hit me right in the middle of the chest. I couldn't even breathe. I just held onto the steering wheel and stared ahead in disbelief. It's like my mind couldn't even believe what I saw. I got to the end of the road and stopped my car and just sat there trying to figure out what to do. Then I realized that there's nothing that I can do. Nothing. That's the hard part. As I was sitting there staring ahead and motionless, my D leaned over and hugged me and told me it's going to be okay. Then she asked "Is that her truck?" I just nodded. He doesn't even live a mile from me. How selfish and insensitive can he be to have her come over there. And this time she didn't even hide her truck in the back. It's right there in the driveway for everyone to see.

Perfect example of why NOT to drive by WAS's house.

I feel like such a pathetic fool. Why would I have ever thought he was really going to come back to me. I knew not to believe anything he said, but I really wanted---no, I needed to believe him. The thing is, I can give anyone else advice and know what DB says to do, my heart just gets in the way and then my mind makes excuses to do what my heart wants. I guess when I really am honest with myself, nothing has changed just because I saw her truck here. I mean, I know H is currently having an affair. I know who the OW is. I know what she drives. I know they spend time together. I know that he is currently choosing that person over me, the wife that has loved him and taken care of him for 10 years. So, nothing has changed, but yet it feels like everything has changed.