I like your awareness about these issues. It's the first step, trite as that sounds. I am going to ask you a really hard question, in hopes that it helps you answer the question of whether it's within you, with H or part of your dynamic:
Is this something you've felt before in emotionally intimate relationships. Friendships are a different kind of intimacy. I'm talking those relationships where you let the other person all the way in.

Just think about it and see what comes up for you. I'm so glad you're getting rain in California. You guys really really need it!

xoxoxo

M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver