If what COgal is saying is true, and spouse is NOT TRYING, then, in my opinion, he is nothing more than a user, with no intent of anything other than riding the pony as long as possible. Furthermore, using her funds in a manipulative way (intentionally riding the pony without permission), that is akin to abuse. If he is abusing her, then she needs to do everthing she can ASAP to minimize the damage potential.
COgal. If the issue is that you simply chose the wrong guy, and there a people with a propensity to marry losers/users/diggers, then you have to decide what you do and leave all outside discussion from the inside of your relationship.
LL, you are right that she has to make the choices, but she does need to hear from others. It is difficult enough for an abused spouse to decide to take action. Encouragement, in that case, is a good thing.
COgal, you have to determine if he is being abusive or if you just can't stand to put up with him for another day. From what you have written of him, your marriage started with a major challenge. This should be included as a major factor in your decision.
I am a firm believer in marriage. I also know that there is a time to to end *some* marriages. I don't believe that time is just because someone is mildly to moderately unhappy, even though I have threatened to walk away a couple of times myself. Having said that, when a relationship really has gone bad, and that is usually quite obvious, then I don't believe there is anything inherently wrong with ending it.
So, make your best guess at what you should do. If you find advice here has the witness of truth AND fits your situation, then you might want to consider it. Otherwise, just know that the folks here are simply trying to offer support and help as best we can.
All the best, -NOPkins
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
