Hanging in there with hope

[Free]

Tamjakr,
It is difficult not to chase, beg and plead. Everyone here has done it.
Don't beat yourself up.
Look at it this way.
Your H already knows how you feel about him. Why continue telling him? It will only push him away.
One of the hardest parts of DB'ing is detaching, while staying focused on trying to save your marriage. You detach for you. To build your self esteem and to lose the dependency on your H. You do this so you are not a doormat or your H's fallback plan.
He will not respect the begging and pleading, but he just may respect the new you.
There are no guarantees that your marriage will last.
I can guarantee that if you can successfully detach, you will be fine either way.
Detaching is difficult but necessary. I am still working this out myself, but getting better everyday.
Be patient and work on you now.