Peace, Happiness and a New Year

[mleigh4]

Where did the edit button go??? Just adding, I used to tell H a lot during our marriage that I felt like I could not be myself with him. That I was able to talk to friends, co-workers but not to him. That I could sing a song, horribly, in front of others, but not him. I can do funny dances and funny faces with others, but not him. My friends know a totally different person than H does, I would tell him.

He could never understand why. I too used to wonder why and I think it was a mix of his being emotionless, unsupportive or helpful, and my insecurity with him. I can't change him, but I can change me. I still catch myself feeling awkward with him. When we were having breakfast the morning of the stove install, I caught myself being really animated and silly and I got real quiet and calm. This is not being true to myself, I need to be me and accepted that way.

I don't feel that with H. It is a real eye opener for me. Not sure if the issue lies with me? I think it's time to make a point of thinking of H as nothing more than another friend, and see if I can get more comfortable in my skin around him. It's worth a try, heck, what have I got to lose!?