So let me know what his love languages are, and work on detaching and 180s. You detach by GAL, finding new ways to meet your emotional needs so you reduce your focus on H. I work this in last, but I will say once again that it is paramount. Then 180s. These are for you. I don't remember what your 180s are, which means that you're not doing enough with them, because if you're not mentioning them in every post you're focusing on H too much and not enough on you. What have you done to GAL and 180 this week? Why am I not hearing about that? Eyes back to you please!
Hi Zues, and thank you so much for this brilliant post! You are right on my inconsistencies due to emotions at the time and I can see how this is counter-productive. I am, as I said, finding it very difficult to detach because he is here so often. He doesn't seem to want to detach even though he is the one who left. If I don't talk to him he finds every reason he can to make conversation with me. I find it confusing.
Does his LL being AOS mean he likes doing things for me or that he would like me to do things for him? If it means that his LL is that he likes doing things for me/others, then yes! that is absolutely his LL. He has always expressed his love by doing things for me, taking care of me or buying me things. I think I am already like this with my S and D so he does see this when he comes round and has always seen this.
180s...yeah, you're right. I don't even know what to do for 180s save one thing. H didn't like that I intercepted between him and S because he is overbearing with him. I have been staying out of any situations between them. So I guess that's a 180, but I think it's probably the only one I'm doing. I can't think of any to do. I'd appreciate help and guidance with it.
GAL...well, I originally thought this meant I had to actually be going out somewhere but after reading on lots of threads it doesn't seem to be the case. This week I'd say my GAL things have been: finally making some things in my craft room (haven't done this since he left), bought S & D a new book and we have been snuggling down to read a chapter a night before bed, gave myself a pedicure, went to do something with my Dad this afternoon that we always used to do (don't want to say what it is as it's too identifying), have played board games with kids and parents today, had parents stay for tea and watched a film together.
These things make me feel better while I'm doing them but then I'm back to the same feeling when they stop. So I suppose I'm kind of detached when I'm doing them but then as soon as H comes round I don't feel detached in any way. I don't know what to do about that.
