WW, My Addiction, Patience, and HOPE Part II

[NYGal]

Is some of it fake? Well, we fake it until we make it! You sound good today, trumpet. Keep up the good work.

D isn't a good solution. That's why I'm here too. We just keep on and keep on until the future gets here. And in the meantime, we search for answers and learn to be better people. For ourselves. The rest will just happen.

Enjoy the ride.

p.s. I went to grad school in Madison. Lovely town.

[trumpet]

Thanks, NYGal.

I stop on your thread from time to time. I hope your sitch improves soon - how is the new place?

[Free]

Trumpet,
I'm sorry you are at this point.
To answer your question, it probably depends on the company. Where my W works, they probably encourage it.
Stay strong brother.

[Flight]

More support from me, Trumpet. I know getting served was a dagger in the heart. Let me say this... "Zeus is right, Zeus is right, Zeus is right" Detach and assume the marriage is over and you are moving on. If something changes in the future, so be it.

Would I leave my wife at the hospital with cancer?

I know it seems noble to fight for your marriage, but if we really are honest with ourselves, we are fighting out of fear of loss. This isn't a question of standing by someone that is ill, she doesn't have a disease, she willfully and logically made choices that suited her. The question should more, "Why would I want to fight for somoene who treats me with such disrespect and says they don't want me anymore"

Be free of her emotionally and see where you get in the next few months. Be well!

[SciDad]

Trumpet, I'm so sorry I didn't have a chance to read or post until now. I can only imagine what you went through after being served.

But here's the thing-I don't think it changes your plans any. Keep working on yourself and support your kids. Keep posting and getting support here. I can't say I know where this is going for you, but please stay true to your heart

[Tyler12]

You have made amazing progress in becoming the Trumpet you want to be. Stay on that course. There will always be good days and bad days. It's how much you let the bad days effect you that dictates who you want to become to me.

Are you happy with the progress you have made? Then keep it going! God will never give you more than He knows you can handle

[Mowgli]

Live your dream, Trumpet!

When the writing was on the wall for W and I, that's what kept me going. I knew that if the big D was in the cards that it would allow me to live my life uninhibited from all of the things that I wanted to do but W didn't approve of.

I dreamt of trips with friends and by myself. I took my kids out and let them experience the world through different lenses (took a TON of pictures). I planned my life around ME, my wants and desires. It was a very empowering feeling.

I asked a buddy of mine that I compete with for a favor right around the time W and I were at "rock bottom." He told me:

"you know, I know she wears the pants in your guys's house, but we miss you, man. You had so much talent and you could've been one of the best. It kills me a little because, selfish or not, I wanted to ride your coattails; I wanted to be there with you when you got to the top and wanted to be able to say that I knew you and I helped you to get where you are."

That statement could've crushed me. I could've taken it as my window had closed and that I wouldn't have that opportunity again, but I didn't take it that way. If things in my M had gone South, it would've given me more opportunity to train and compete than I've had in years upon years; time that I know would put me in a place where I could be the best I've ever been.

A D was going to give me an opportunity to do something I'd only ever dreamed of and I took it as a positive in that light.

It's funny: now that my M is back on track and W and I are in a much better place, I don't have that desire or need to compete because my needs are being met at home now.

Trumpet,

Do that for yourself. Ask yourself what you're gaining by her leaving... A little house, freedom to do and be you... I bet there's a lot of good stuff in that question!!

FYI

I can "feel" that change in you, man... It happened once before and when she said she wanted to come back, it left. I can feel it again... it's confidence and detachment. it's that mindset you need to keep!!

[trumpet]

Tyler,

I like to think that God give us MORE than we can handle - that's how he tempers us to a stronger steel. How we are refined - in the furnace.

Thank you all for your comments. I appreciate them.

It has been an emotional whirlwind this weekend.

From being served on Friday, telling the kids, all of them crying, it was a very bad Friday.
I avoided my wife, nothing was said. I moved more stuff out of the bedroom and bathroom.
I gave my wife some papers that we're zero'd out on our bank accounts, and we both need to contribute to the joint to keep the boat from sinking this month. She was ok with that.

She, like almost all waywards, came back with 'this doesn't have to be contentious, we can be friends along the way'... I told her we would no longer be friends, and we would just co-parent. She said she was getting an apartment - I said great, I was planning on asking you to leave anyway. She made mention that it was down the road - I told her I don't give a s&*t where the place is - it's her biz now.

Well, after a couple hours, I talked with her for 2 minutes before I went to bed... how I'll be fine, and she can be mad that I told them about the D first, but she's filing, she's the one who pulled the trigger, and she is the one in the affair. After a bit of a silence on her part, I left.

I had to get something from the bathroom an hour later. I found her crying, and looking at old pictures, wedding photos, etc in bed. She asked me to come to her side and look at them with her.

After her talking with me, the ring went back on, and Sunday morning, she insisted that she was calling the lawyer on Monday to cancel the divorce.

She sent me proof this morning that she sent the email to the lawyers.

So, how do I feel? Really messed up. Like I have multiple years taken off of my life. That we MIGHT have a future together. That my wife realizes her actions for the first time in 6 months. That to her the family is more important than her feelings. That her brain is finally seeing above the heart fog.

I need help, ladies and gents. I'm happy, but really scared. She knows this. She asked why - well, duh, we've been thru hell, and we've done this dance. She did say she realizes that D is not the answer, she just doesn't know what the answer is.

I told her that's a great question, and that I don't know either, but that's for her and I to find out, talking with a counselor, and that through this I never thought D was the answer.

Maybe filing, and realizing what it did to the kids, and how I reacted (essentially removing her from my life for 2 days) was able to bust the fog just enough to engage the brain.

Sandi said her daughter busted the fog to get her to realize what she was doing. My D14 wrote some strong words in some texts to my wife on Friday PM - my wife has admitted she sat there stunned at her desk, knowing what my daughter was saying was true.

Out of the mouths of babes...

I really need your help, everyone. Those who have been on the other side of the D, or no D, but reconciling. What do I do? DR was my roadmap for the most part, with lots of Christian love in there, and now, I really don't want to screw this up.

[rich4j]

Wow Trumpet...just caught up on your sitch....did she call the L?

I hope you can work through this tough time as I can't imagine how exhausting this is for you. And that your kids are also supporting you is great

My 6 yr old D won't be able to do that...she will be just upset and confused.

[G8r]

Talk about roller coasters. You're on a doozy!!! Stay calm and give your W some space to breathe is all advice I have. I'm expecting papers soon but I'm hoping (but doubtful) that my W will have a similar reaction as yours. I hope things work out the for you the way you want them to work.