Hi Tamjakr, it's an intensive workshop to help couples get their R's back on track. Only to be considered once both people truly want to work on the R and are 'all in.' If you google it, you will see there are Retrouvaille workshops in various countries.
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
With divorce busting it talks about how to act positive, calm and friendly when interacting with H. I haven't even had a chance to do that lately. My problem right now is that I've been very good about no contact except for short replys about pick up or drop offs with my son. I haven't seen my H or spoken to him since last Monday. It's so hard. It seems like going dark is pushing him closer to OW whom he's with. I hope this non pursuit and detachment helps me personally but I really do what things to get better between us. My biggest fear is she will move in with him. I have been GALing, doing this 180 of no pursuit and he's probably not even caring. I know it's for me but deep down I'm doing this for results of reconciliation. Tonight I'm taking my son with a group of friends to his first homecoming dinner and dance. I'm excited but it's bittersweet without H.
T-20 yrs M- 7yrs Me-46 XH- 44 S15, S21 1yr separation and divorce, my decision-07 1yr separation, my decision-2012 His PA started Aug 2016 I moved out Sept/16 He's been with OW ever since
Actually my biggest fear is that he is gone forever and won't want to come back. I do not want to start over at 46 yrs old.
T-20 yrs M- 7yrs Me-46 XH- 44 S15, S21 1yr separation and divorce, my decision-07 1yr separation, my decision-2012 His PA started Aug 2016 I moved out Sept/16 He's been with OW ever since
If you continue to do as you have been, it will work. You have to give it plenty of time to do so. It's not something that will happen over the course of a day, a week or even a month. Keep in mind, if you pushed and/or pursed, you will definitely push him closer to the OW. Only contact him if it's an absolute emergency that you can't handle or about your child. Leave him out there to figure things out.
Continue as you have been...have faith...it will work.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Hi Tamjkar, Job as always gives wise advice and patience is key. I think as part of this process, it helps to face and accept our worst fears. Losing H would certainly have been one of my worst fears. I have lost him, and I am starting out alone again, and it isn't always easy. That said, I am a firm believer that there are joys and blessings to be found in whatever avenue your life takes - even if it isn't one you asked for! There is much I have come to enjoy about my 'new' life and I'm sure you would also get to that place if you invest effort in the right places and keep moving forwards.
I understand your concerns about H possibly moving in with OW. But, also remember that A's thrive on fantasy, secrecy etc. If H and OW did move in together, they end up facing all the drudgery and reality that life brings - dripping laundry, washing up, stinky poops, irritating habits, loud chewing. Truly, most R's that started out as A's don't survive that. Food for thought anyway.
Keep on doing what you're doing - and try and keep the focus off H as much as possible (I know it isn't easy...)
Xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
I will try! I'm worried that that short reconciliation we had in Nov that only lasted a week was it for us.
T-20 yrs M- 7yrs Me-46 XH- 44 S15, S21 1yr separation and divorce, my decision-07 1yr separation, my decision-2012 His PA started Aug 2016 I moved out Sept/16 He's been with OW ever since
I Salvatore's myself again and texted him a bunch of stuff!!!! Why???? Uuuggghhh
T-20 yrs M- 7yrs Me-46 XH- 44 S15, S21 1yr separation and divorce, my decision-07 1yr separation, my decision-2012 His PA started Aug 2016 I moved out Sept/16 He's been with OW ever since
Sabatoged. I asked if we could work things out. He says not right now. Why would u have such low self worth that I would want him when it's obvious and a fact he's with his ow. It really [censored] that I can't do this right and/or get over it!!
T-20 yrs M- 7yrs Me-46 XH- 44 S15, S21 1yr separation and divorce, my decision-07 1yr separation, my decision-2012 His PA started Aug 2016 I moved out Sept/16 He's been with OW ever since
Tamjakr, It is difficult not to chase, beg and plead. Everyone here has done it. Don't beat yourself up. Look at it this way. Your H already knows how you feel about him. Why continue telling him? It will only push him away. One of the hardest parts of DB'ing is detaching, while staying focused on trying to save your marriage. You detach for you. To build your self esteem and to lose the dependency on your H. You do this so you are not a doormat or your H's fallback plan. He will not respect the begging and pleading, but he just may respect the new you. There are no guarantees that your marriage will last. I can guarantee that if you can successfully detach, you will be fine either way. Detaching is difficult but necessary. I am still working this out myself, but getting better everyday. Be patient and work on you now.
Me-40's W- 40's Married 22, Together 29 BD#1- 6/15 W needs space BD#2- OM confirmed PA 1/8/16 Still both home, but not for long
T-20 yrs M- 7yrs Me-46 XH- 44 S15, S21 1yr separation and divorce, my decision-07 1yr separation, my decision-2012 His PA started Aug 2016 I moved out Sept/16 He's been with OW ever since
