Here again after 9 years and struggling 3

[ciluzen]

[quote]
So let me know what his love languages are, and work on detaching and 180s. You detach by GAL, finding new ways to meet your emotional needs so you reduce your focus on H. I work this in last, but I will say once again that it is paramount. Then 180s. These are for you. I don't remember what your 180s are, which means that you're not doing enough with them, because if you're not mentioning them in every post you're focusing on H too much and not enough on you. What have you done to GAL and 180 this week? Why am I not hearing about that? Eyes back to you please!

This, right here, is pure gold. The entire post was great, but this cuts right to the heart of it. IP, I hope you read and re-read this and get as much out of it as I do.

I'm reading this as I've let myself fall back a bit into the H centered spiral this week (not enough time outside of work with others and GAL; too many little meh interactions with H after a very positive one). Nothing bad, just thinking too much and overthinking. But, unfortunately, I'm an artist and I paint alone which leads to living too much in my head. I just go back to the boards for a reminder and a reboot.

IP, what Zues said about focusing on H too much is true. It will make you mentally, emotionally and physically sick. You need to focus on you. My "real" job has me working with teens and young adults who have varying degrees of disabilities...and some severe behavioral issues. If we focus on their disabilities instead of what they CAN do, we tend to allow our emotional side take over and do too much for them, which makes them feel incapable and even worthless.
If THEY focus too much on their disabilities, they end up having a pity party and using it as an excuse to not progress, perform, or to feel justified in acting out with bad behaviors.
So, we keep their disabilities in the back of our mind, but create challenging tasks and work with them in a support role to meet them. We put the focus on THEM...the inner kiddo. Not the disability.

EVERYONE has their strengths. EVERYONE is capable of making themselves happy. I'm learning that we all can find ourselves in a negative rut. We are too comfortable in our habits or situation to change, even though it is ruining our life. The fear of not knowing if the steps needed to change will "work" or not holds us back. The fear of change itself holds us back. To change we HAVE to make ourselves very uncomfortable. That's called challenge. When we meet the challenge it gets more comfortable. Then challenge yourself again. As each challenge is met and overcome, you become different and hopefully better.
Your challenges are your 180s and GAL. Do the hard work.

But you need to focus on you. YOUR circus. YOUR monkeys.