yeah, not reacting is a big hurdle for me...too much like my Dad I guess. But that is my focus. And to try to see through to the "heart message" in it. He does seem to want to open up more sometimes and we get kinda close to that when I can be non-reactive. He's so used to that 'dance' though..last night same kind of thing. I just STFU, validated as best I could and sat there for a while. He told me to just go to bed if I wouldn't talk. So I said, you know, I've realized that I HAVE to not play the blame game and take responsibility for my behaviors, actions & reactions. One way I've learned to not do that is to recognize I have a choice in everything. I may not choose well, or recognize the choice at the time, but it's my choice. I'm choosing to be here.
H: there it is, it's all about what you want.
K: well, I'd like to go to bed too, but for now, I'm choosing to be here.
Then he sat for a long while (typical of him, analyzing). Then he barked that he KNEW I was thinking all kinds of things about him.
Kinda laughable. He had a few drinks by then anyway. But it a reacting to my detachment (I think). Hmmmm.

Me: 42, H: 38
Married: 12 years (second M for me)
14D, 9D
2015 EA (PA??), porn addict, *pastor/counselor* MLC

At a counselor, he said he wanted the marriage but not to work on himself w/a IC. Piecing?