He loves me he loves me not

[JulieH]

If husband and I are to reconcile, I am going to have to work on accepting husband for what I see are his flaws. I am going to have to forgive him for leaving me with my parents. I am going to have to stop wanting what I don't have and start appreciating what is in front of me... A healthy family. I am going to have to stop blaming things on him and play an active and effective role to make things better but without criticizing.

I am going to have to trust him with money... This would mean, doing what's best for family despite the advise of lawyer and my mother and take on some extra work while kids are in school. It would also mean pooling our savings so that we can budget and become a team instead of 2 separate unities...the way we functioned in past.

Husband was not with other woman. He was in crises. Things were not good between us and I played a big role. When he was living here the stress was contributing to trips to ER for him. He was having trouble handling everything. I'm sure he was humiliated because we were living here. I did not make things easier. He was afraid for his health (and has good reason to) he is not my enemy, he is my husband.

Yes, I did not have things easy either and he said hurtful things to me but I will not focus on that... The things he said to me never attacked me personally nor were they about my character. Even at his angriest, He never said "you are selfish" he said "you did nothing for me". He never said you are not attractive he said "you never bothered to dress up for me" he never said "ILYBNILWY".
I need to remember this.

My mother is so angry, she would not even respond to him when husband came in to pick up kids yesterday. Luckily my dad was there to respond with hellos and small talk. I am so greatful for my dads maturity level. I am sure my mother sees
Attempts at reconciliation and she has been commenting more and more about him. Reminding me of his selfishness every chance she can. Today when I remarked how bad I felt about my son and that I was told he screamed the whole trip her remark was "husband made his bed, let him lie in it". I am just ignoring the comments. I see my own thoughts in her words and I know where they come from.

Has anyone seen the movie "white oleander"? My mother has a similar character to the mom that michelle pheiffer plays (but without criminal activity and without ever leaving us) she also frequently reminds me of miss havisham. I don't know how my dad deals with her.
I know she saw me suffering though and saw husband at his worst so of course she wants to protect me by villifying him.