The Start of my Happiness 2

[Tyler12]

Thanks Rich. It felt like hey this isn't so bad with her not here. Sure I missed the kids, I kept myself so busy I didn't have time to think about it tho.

Mowgli made a comment a few above Sandi on the friendship thread that brought up something for me. After Bday she showed me several times these pictures on fb or wherever where there was this exW and that exH and this kid from her and that one from there and they were all together for Christmas or a birthday.
She assumed by showing me this I was going to be ok with that. Well no. Not right now. Sure those families may be happy. It definitely wasn't within a few months of each of them getting D!
So that brings me to a different topic.
W did not like the town we lived in. Small town (1000) people. Hard to make friends and it is very clicky. And far from her friends and family. I grew up in this town and my family is still here.
My family was another issue for us. I being mr nice guy always pushed issues aside and tried to keep conflict to a minimum rather than stand up for my wife or our ideals. We always talked about moving, I never saw the rush tho. I was content...
In talking to my therapist and reading to remedy my issue I have been reflecting on why I think I want to stay in this town. The only thing I can think of is cause it's comfortable.
Recently I went to the gas station to get smokes and the lady says. I hear your moving. No I'm not ( she misheard W was leaving). And it honestly pissed me off that the whole town knows or people are talking about it. I told 5 people. 2 are my parents 3 are co workers/ friends. My how things spread.
Second. Everyone here knows my parents and I have always lived in their shadow. Scared of how I acted or what I did because of how it reflected on them. Everyone saying oh you must be XXXX son. You look just like him.
I am 32! I don't want to live like this I want to be somewhere no one knows me. I can make new friends and not worry about how my actions will be viewed!

So. Now it comes to that I want to sell my house. I don't want the constant reminder of what I had here. I am growing into hating this town. And it leaves me with a problem. Where I would like to move is a larger urban area. One is too far from my older 2 kids. The other viable options are a lot closer to S and the boys.
And that's where mowgli made me think. Is this move going to be viewed as me pursuing? Becoming friendly? A always available babysitter?
The one city I have always loved and have lived there before. There is lots there for my career. Lots for the kids and lots for me to GAL.

I font want to be looked at as the poor dumped H that followed his WAW...