I am very sorry to read about your dad's health, but he's a fighter. He'll receive excellent care in hospice. The folks are not only kind and compassionate w/the patient, but they are there for the family as well.
Keeping your family in my thoughts and prayers.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thank you everyone for your kind wishes and support.
My Father passed away last night. He was in a great hospice that made him comfortable, surrounded by family, the classic song "The Old Rugged Cross" played softly as he took his last breath.
It was a weird, difficult, joy-filled day (?!) for me. Let's see if I can piece it together for y'all. I was at the hospice in the morning with my Mom, brother and sister and their spouses. Also a niece and her 3 young kids who flew in from D.C.
W showed up around noon. This is where the joyful part of the day came in - d21 is pregnant! She recently moved out of my apartment to move in with her bf. D21 was too afraid to tell me, so W told me. I expressed nothing but happiness and joy at the news. I am a grandfather!
There were a dozen family members there, all taking turns to sit with Dad. He slept most of the day b/c of the strong medication he was on. He was comfortable feeling no pain. He even got a massage!
W left for a bit and brought back s14. I playfully harassed him b/c he knew of d21's pregnancy and didn't tell me last weekend. We were all there and surrounded Dad as he passed away.
I was uncomfortable with W being there for so long. We didn't talk much, as she has not seen my family for some time, so she visited with others. But there was one prickly exchange when we talked to SiL about d21's pregnancy:
I explained to SiL that I told d21 around Thanksgiving when she moved in with bf that "sex is a great thing when you are married. But sex when you are not married always causes problems." For some reason, W was offended (grin.)
W shot back that she likes d21's bf, but that he always has big plans for a job down the road - but he won't just take any job now to make sure some $$$ are coming in. This was her shot at me.
But otherwise everyone was supportive of each other. My sister made some strange faces about W being there. Brother asked why she was staying so long. But no one said anything uncomfortable to W.
I had a chance to talk with out-of-town niece, after I good-naturedly whomped her oldest daughter at foosball (and taught her how to cheat, but that's another story ). And we had a chance to speak about her separation.
Niece is an attractive, fun, full of life mother of 3 young kids. Her wandering H left weeks before she gave birth to her 4 month old. She is confused. Every week he mentions coming back to her, but is still seeing other women. So she wants blood b/c he is hiding his self-employed business revenues, and she accidentally received a text from MiL saying "let's really screw (niece) by moving these assets."
Yet she still wants WH back. So I told her a bit about my sitch, DR, the DB Board here and the support we provide to each other, and a bit about MLC. She was glad to have someone come alongside her and understand what she was going thru. And not just tell her to divorce the crumb and move on with your life. It was nice to have that time with my niece.
Oh btw, d21 baby's due date is August 25th which is a day after my Dad's birthday. This seems like one of those Godincidences.
I came to check in on you and I read about your Dad. I am so sorry. I truly believe he will be with you when you need him and even when you don't.
It is so easy to see what others should do but at the same time, if she isn't ready to give up on her H, you can just be her support. I am sorry that she is going through such a bad situation. Big hugs for your niece.
Take care of your self Grandpa! It is the fun part of having kids!
Hugs to you as well Tom. kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
I am very sorry to read the news about your father. He was very lucky in being surrounded by his family with the classic song "The Old Rugged Cross". I know this sounds terrible, but your father is in a far better place w/no pain and suffering and he looking down on each of you every hour of the day. He will always be there to listen when you need someone to talk to.
I am also glad that your w managed to get there for one last visit. So, you are going to be a grandfather...that's wonderful! You've got a new baby to look forward to and I do hope that you will be an important part of this child's life. God has a way of making things better for us when we least expect it.
Again, I am very sorry for your loss. Please take care of yourself.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Wet, I'm sorry to hear the sad news about your Dad. It is good that the family were all able to be there with him and it sounds as though you will have some lovely memories of the day he died too.
Take care xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Hi Wet, I'm sending {{{hugs}}} and condolences. It sounds as though your father's passing was peaceful and loving, with the support of his family around him. That's a beautiful gift to give someone as they pass over.
I'm glad you were able to share your experience with your niece. Nice that you were able to bond at such a difficult time.
Congratulations on the baby! It always seems to work that way doesn't it, the circle of life? When my godfather passed our son was three weeks old. My godfather was like a second dad to me, and I'd had pretty much primary responsibility for his care his last three years. A new baby at this time renews hope in the future. The fact that the due date is right after your father's birthday is most certainly a Godincidence!
regarding wife's request for alone time before the funeral ... is there any way you can simply put her off? The day is about your dad and your family. Focus should be on that ... at least that's what I think, but I'm probably a. overstepping by saying so and b. being over-protective of you, lol
If either is the case, I apologize.
Again, keeping all of you in my prayers. xoxoxo
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
He was in a great hospice that made him comfortable, surrounded by family, the classic song "The Old Rugged Cross" played softly as he took his last breath.
). And we had a chance to speak about her separation.