Need support navigating the change in my marriage

[Tyler12]

It's great that your feeling more confident In yourself. I do hope that if she is arguing and yelling or threatening you you aren't just standing there and taking it trying to listen. You should remove yourself from those situations and say something like. Let's discuss this when we can talk not argue about it. And go for a walk or do whatever it is you need tondo to detach for awhile.

[G8r]

Thank you. Have good days and bad days. Could have been bad yesterday if I wasn't reminded to drop my expectations. Wasn't nearly as disappointed as I could have been.

W was cordial, maybe even a little nice. Not arguing with her seems to be a very good thing. Let's see how long I can keep with it.

[G8r]

Was feeling pretty good. Interactions with W were positive. Sadness started when W called her Dad. Her parents weren't supportive of A and she dramatically reduced her conversations with him. Now that she has decided to D, he is supportive (can't blame him, he loves his D and has always wanted to support her but couldn't with A) and she has resumed talking to him.

I really got along with my in laws and they were very supportive of my attempts to R so it seems like another loss.

Can't say that I'm surprised or upset just sad.

[G8r]

Stopped talking to W and soon as she got on iPad to text with om. She noticed and said I guess you don't want to talk to me. I ignored comment and walked by. Few minutes later D3 said something really cute that I chose to share with W. She replied that I'm surprised you shared that. I again chose to ignore her passive aggressive comment and went back to what I was doing.

As I was reflecting, I noticed that by doing this I am shaping her behavior through process of giving and withholding positive reinforcement and the baby steps can be seen as successive approximations to the desired behavior. Where is the chocolate? Sheldon Cooper on Big Bang Theory would be impressed.

Anybody else notice the similarities between DBing and operant conditioning and classic conditioning?

[G8r]

Before W went to spare bedroom, she apologized for upsetting me. Is she trying to guilt me in some way? I haven't been upset and I went to grade papers when I started feeling sad but said nothing to W. Thought I did decent job hiding the non positive emotions but perhaps not. Hard to tell. W seems to think that anytime I withdraw from her I'm upset. Oh well, nothing I can do.

Any thoughts?

[G8r]

Question. W has been in walking boot since Thanksgiving and is having an MRI on it today. Should I ask her about when I see her or wait and let her tell me about it? I don't want to seem cold but I don't want to show too much support and concern either. Any advice?

[G8r]

Each day seems like we are inching closer to divorce. Even though I'm doing my best to avoid conflict, my W seems to think everything is a conflict. Last week she asked me if I could pick up D3 next Monday after work so she could do something as part of her work. I told her yes without looking at my calendar because I don't schedule a lot of things (I tend to play things by ear, do things spontaneously). It turns out I have an IC session next Monday that I scheduled 3 weeks ago and told her about it. So much for my 180 and being better with scheduling. She seemed ok when I told her and reiterated that I get better at letting her know. She followed up with I don't know what you're going to do when I'm not around any more. I didn't know how to respond so I told her I'm working on getting better at it and dropped the topic. My problem was my difficulty hiding the drop in my emotions following her comment because it made the D seem so real. How do I fake happiness in a sitch like that because she easily saw the change in my demeanor. She may have misinterpreted it as anger rather than sadness, but she saw.

A little bit later, she was trying to leave to go to trivia, but D3 didn't want her to go. She wanted her to read a book and chose a long one. I didn't like when my W told her she would start it and I would finish. I told my W to please not make promises to D3 for me. Although I was calm and said please, my comment angered her. I told her to be safe when she left, be safe on her trip today since I won't see her and that I'll see her on Sunday. She said goodnight to D3 as she left and mumbled something I couldn't hear towards me as she left. Uggggg. Things like this were never a problem before she started talking to the om. I wish things in my M were going better. I want to fix them but can't and that is just eating at me.

Anyone with some advice?

[G8r]

Need advice... Spoke to L today. If I hire, firm would want to respond with adultery. What do board members think. I'm worried that responding to D petition with claim of A will absolutely kill any shot I ever have at R. Furthermore, it will likely strain all future relations with W. Any and all input would be tremendously appreciated.

[ATPeace]

G8r I am not able to advise regarding the divorce petition what I would like to say is you must do what is right to protect yourself...

What is to be gained by countering with A

Are you able to talk to your w agree the financials and the child care then agree the D they can almost be delt with as three separate things well they can in the UK as I understand things

I wish you all the strength I feel your sitch and you are in my thoughts

Take care my friend

Ghost

[G8r]

Thank you Ghost. A while back I wanted the D to have that so D3 would k ow when she was older what happened. I no longer want it included for that reason and don't know that I want to respond in that manner. I was hurt and thinking from a place of anger. I also think it will hurt my D3 says (although I won't lie to D3 when she is much older if she asks) and it will effectively kill any chance of future R (if that is even possible).

L I spoke with today wanted to use that and the fact that W has hit me twice (no evidence) and W has bitten me (have photo evidence but no police report) to ensure I get a fair divorce. If I hire a L I think I should follow advice or there is no point in hiring a L. I have interview with 2nd L scheduled next Tuesday and will call at least 1 more. Btw, 1st L doesn't really know how to respond until seeing petition so his advice could change.