Ugghhh, have I mentioned this is hard?

[TxHubby]

but if she chooses to have a PA (to ANY degree) with the OM now we are done.

It's about GD time.

EA is tougher - she interacts with him all the time. How much contact is too much?

Any contact whatsoever with someone you've had an inappropriate relationship with is too much contact. If you tolerate any of this then you don't respect yourself. If you don't respect yourself then she won't respect you or any boundaries.