I feel like I am having to work against a current at the moment, I am not being the man I know I am or want to be. I'm usually positive and cheery but I know right now I am sullen and very withdrawn and I can't seem to break out of this situation. Maybe when she has moved out we will have some space and maybe can at least communicate in an adult fashion. When we satin mediators she said she hoped we could be friends (yes I had the ilybinilwy) but everything I have found out and all the lies is stopping me being friends. I have told her that if she moves out and divorces without even looking at R then the best we will ever be is a purely professional relationship for the sake of our children. My feeling is at the moment is how to break the endless cycle of hurt, anger, sadness, and be the man I want to be. All I want to do is see my boys and hide in my bedroom until I either have to work or I go out with my boys. When I pull up on my drive and see her car is gone I feel relief. Anything I think of to GAL takes me away from time with my boys so I am doing stuff with them every chance I get. Even just a walk in the park. How do others break the cycle ? Is her moving out a blessing in disguise, how will she see I am detaching, GAL etc if she lives elsewhere ?
Keefa
We all want the pain to disappear as quickly as possible, however you will come to know that the pain is the guide to where the learning is. You will come to have a love -hate relationship, you will sit with it like a respected adversary. As Cadet said you have the gift of time. As for GALing, it's not my strength, but for me in the beginning because of the level of my distress and depression I kept things real simple. If I got to work every work day, if I excercised once per day and had some social engagement at the weekend I was happy with my GAL. This was my plan for the first few months. And spending quality time with your children is GAL. Coming up with new activities and the old favs, plus chilling out together is definite GAL, don't underestimate the time with your children has healing and giving you a sense of life and the future.
WAS don't see detachment, they feel it. It's an attitude and vibe you will develop. And somehow the WAS picks it up, even through distance, and space. It's like magic. The great thing about detachment too, is that when you are truly there, truly detached, you don't even care if they feel it or not. Remember too Keefa detachment if for you not for her. It says to you , that you are fully involved and invested in your on life and evolution. If your W is lucky she may well get the benefit of it.
