Devastated after finding hope in the DB process

[LiM]

Hi Shreeve,

Thanks for checking on me.

I've been posting updates in one of my other threads.
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=myhome&n=1
I did confront my W about her A 6 days after discovering it. I spent time confiding in friends and my IC before confronting her about it. Separation began immediately after I confronted her.
Since she left, I have gone dark and have started working on GAL. I work out daily, I get IC, I start a Divorce/Separation group at a church next Monday and I started Private Pilot Ground school to begin working towards getting my private pilots license (something I've always wanted to do). I'm also heavily focused on being a much better father to my 2 teenage daughters.

I'm reading books on how to be a better husband and how to recover from infidelity. I've also started keeping a journal. Its helps to get the thoughts out of my head.

The emotional pain I'm experiencing is devastating. I didn't know it was possible to experience this much despair in an entire lifetime. One minute I'm happy, then I'm angry and then I'm depressed. Its a viscous cycle.

She's not apologized or said she is sorry for the A. She's not told me that she has stopped (I DO believe she has but of course I can't know for certain). We've not had a single discussion about our R or M. She occasionally reaches out to me by text and we've had a couple of good conversations about stuff in general. I do not initiate conversation with her unless its about our kids and I try to keep that to a minimum. She is attending IC and is also going to this Pathways Pathways course next month which I think is a very good thing.

I don't know where things are going to go in the future. I love her and want to work on our M but that decision is hers to make. I know I can't force or pressure her to return to our M.