Ugghhh, have I mentioned this is hard?

[SciDad]

SciDad, I think you should keep DB'ing but I wouldn't drop hints at how good things can be. Don't say a word, just show her by your actions. It takes time for the WS to come out of the "fog" and it really [censored] to watch them mope around and go through withdrawals.

My plan was not to drop hints or tell her how things could be, but rather let her figure that out for herself. My continued growth (done for myself, not her or our marriage), will show what can be. I have no doubts she will notice, but if it takes too long I might not be there anymore. And I'm fine with that.

On the other hand, if you think things are picking up between them again, if it were me, I'd take a strong stand and not be available to her in any way. I have been thinking about this a lot because I have a fear that this is going to happen in my sitch, and I know I personally cannot go through this again and I would not be as patient and selfless next time around.

I'm still working it out, but I don't plan to be a doormat. I can be patient, but I'm not necessarily as selfless as you. If my wife said anything close to what your H said I'd be out in a second, taking my kids with me. Just sayin'....