Az, I really don't think about it, when it's going on. I do overanalyze it after I leave. I suppose I should just try to make each interactions good one, and leave it at that.
35 3 boys Not my circus, not my monkeys anymore....
At this point, do I keep doing the friendly thing, or should I pull back more.
Nothing wrong with being friendly if there is no pursuit or expectation in it. Just a friendly guy moving through his day.
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XW is telling me some things in her life, not all or even most. Should I try and pull back and let her miss me, or keep showing her that I care, and have bettered myself?
From the way you said that it sounds to me like you're still on that control paradigm where you're hoping to induce a certain response in her based on your actions or your intensity level. If she engages you in conversation, you could listen, validate, and be generally nice without going too far, couldn't you?
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Or does it even matter anymore?
Wherever you go in life, and whoever you go there with, being a strong, kind, independent gentleman can't hurt you with your XW as long as you are managing your expectations, and it certainly can't hurt you with with the other women out there who wish they had a guy like you.
Thanks tl2, I just sometimes wonder if I did things differently, if it may help.
Very weird. I have, after ic with the priest, came to terms with letting go of her. In less than a week, I went from obsessed about r to I'm not sure I want that right now. I haven't been thinking on it, it just surfaced today. I think it is actually a self worth thing. I am a good person, stable, employed and attractive. If xw would rather blow up our family and our kids future, then the "new" her is not someone that I want to share my life with. Her Mlc is being noticed by many other people, and they are commenting to me about it.
Last night, went to ballgame. Went to see S9 at his slumber party thing, didn't really even speak to xw. Left there and went to a buddy's. Ended up sleeping on his couch after drinking and playing cards until 4am. It was fun. Haven't laughed so much in a long time. And, there were 2 single ladies there that I talked to. (No, not pursuing anything.) Just nice to chat with a pretty girl that has no clue of my sitch, and no preconceived ideas about me. Today, I have been very lazy. Tomorrow, I am going to go put flooring down with my friend, I think.
35 3 boys Not my circus, not my monkeys anymore....
Yeah we all have to do what works for us and that doesn't make things tough for the kids.
I saw XW at a kid's bday party last weekend and didn't speak to her at all. A lot of people there so it wasn't conspicuous to anyone unless they were really watching me. She was across the room when I got there (last to arrive) and I just gave her a slight nod when she looked at me.
While texting about something a day or two later she asked me why I ignored her.
But I'm not interested in reconciling and don't have to see her much, so I'm not so much detached at this point as disinterested...and I really don't like her very much as a person anymore, and she doesn't seem to want to interact with me. So be it.
I think it is actually a self worth thing. I am a good person, stable, employed and attractive.
Then you'll be just fine. Better than fine. You'll be beating the ladies off with a stick. You have so much going for you. If she takes that for granted then that is her loss. Good luck to her navigating all the losers out there because that's mostly what it is.
Originally Posted By: dday
If xw would rather blow up our family and our kids future, then the "new" her is not someone that I want to share my life with.
I wish more people would get this. You're way ahead of the curve since you do.
Originally Posted By: dday
Last night, went to ballgame. Went to see S9 at his slumber party thing, didn't really even speak to xw. Left there and went to a buddy's. Ended up sleeping on his couch after drinking and playing cards until 4am. It was fun. Haven't laughed so much in a long time. And, there were 2 single ladies there that I talked to. (No, not pursuing anything.) Just nice to chat with a pretty girl that has no clue of my sitch, and no preconceived ideas about me. Today, I have been very lazy. Tomorrow, I am going to go put flooring down with my friend, I think.
Awesome moving on my man. The worm has definitely turned for you. Life can be sad and depressing or fun and wonderful. Your choice.
dday, you a evolving. This is your path. If you are going to join paths with your wife again, it will not be before you walk this stretch alone. Enjoy your day laying flooring, I'll be shoveling 2 feet of snow.
I am not a fan of dreams lately. Last night, I had one that XW and her family were at my grandparents house... The one I spent my summers in. And they kicked me out. And for whatever reason, naked.
I'm sure there is symbolism of loosing everything and being vulnerable. I do feel as if large chunks of my life have been a lie.
I signed off on her vehicle yesterday. Really felt nothing. I am glad that she cut and colored her hair now, because she doesn't really look like the woman I knew. I think it is helping me to realize that she isn't the woman I knew. The visual aid helps!
Hope everyone is well in DB land today!
35 3 boys Not my circus, not my monkeys anymore....
I'm sure there is symbolism of loosing everything and being vulnerable.
Or, you've been reborn, out of your previous life, naked out of the womb. A phoenix rising from the ashes of a previous life. The nakedness reveals no baggage, free to be you. I hope you weren't running around raging hard on in your hand because that would indicate something else entirely. Hang loose brother, it's all good
