New guy

[mbebos]

Good morning all. Just checking in real quick. Yesterday was a pretty nerve wracking day for me. The W was starting her therapy yesterday, and I was nervous. I know that I shouldn't be letting her progress control my thoughts, but as a caring H, I worry for her well being. I was on the neutral to feeling down part of the curve. Went out with some friends, and instead of it being my drunk depressed friend, it was a couple people that do not normally come, and it was awesome. I felt good when I went home and to bed. Slept through the night, 4 nights in a row. Still not 100% from earlier in the week and skipped the gym one more time to make sure I am up for it and ready on Monday.

Hadn't heard from her in about 5 days, and she called this morning to tell me about T. Didn't get into what she talked about, but just talked about the place, the therapist, logistics, etc. Sounded very happy with her therapist and the click they had right off the bat. She started to talk about the therapy itself, but stopped on only one short topic.

It was nice to hear her voice. Her beautiful voice, with a touch of light to it.

I was speaking with a friend last night. This friend is a woman that almost every guy I know is in love with her. She is a beautiful person, intelligent, small, beautiful with curves in all the right places, and physically fit. Men swoon over her. She said that she is jealous of how beautiful my W is at any weight, at any time of day, makeup or no makeup, sweatshirt or an nice dress. It doesn't matter. Jealous of her natural skin color, her bright smile, her photogenic qualities. Yet, my W has image issues. She doesn't love herself. She has always said she doesn't find herself as beautiful as people say. The W thinks she is attractive to a point, but not beautiful. I spoke with this friend about the early days with my W and I. I was handsome, skinny, funny and although I wasn't confident, I had a "not giving a darn attitude". That attitude was because I didn't think I was any of those things and it gave me an appearance of confidence. It was more like, I have no shot with this girl or that girl, so I will just be me. Truth is I was scared as heck of my W. She was so far out of my league that if I didn't have an in with a mutual friend, I would have never asked her out. In our early years, we would argue that she was out of my league, I was out of her league, etc.

We would literally fight about how awesome the other person was. What a revelation.