I think youre way too much in your head. It feels like every time you interact with her, you need to do, like a full system recalibration; "how close am I?" "how much do I pull away?", "how much do I say?", "how long do we talk?" etc.
It feels like you are trying to map everything out to have an "optimal" interaction to get towards R. Im not sure it works like that.
How can you relax and take things as they come? You seem to know the principles....how to just apply them without needing to analyze so deeply?
