More and more, and less and less...

[Zues126]

I married my first boyfriend. When he left, I couldn't see anyone else ever in my life. Or dating. Oh god no, not dating. I still maintain I am a relationship type of girl, but I did date casually. I am an introverted extrovert. I am outgoing, I enjoy people, conversation, and human interaction. I do need my alone time to recharge though.

it is not distasteful to just date as long as you are honest with who you are dating and they don't want something serious and you are just stringing them along.

As far as the superficial thing..... yes, most people are superficial when you are getting to know them. People are not going to open up there inner most thoughts and bare their souls the first few times you hang out. It really shouldn't be that either, IMHO. Shooting pool with someone, going to eat a meal you both enjoy, seeing a movie or a band you both like, is superficial, but could be fun, and is what leads to the deeper stuff. This goes for both girls you date and guys you are friends with. For example, you are a very deep person. Definitely not superficial. But are you this deep with people you just met in person? I would imagine it takes time and going through the superficial layers of the onion to get to the inside of it all.

Just a different perspective.

I have been mulling this a bit Ginger. I'm not bothered by it. I definitely feel the way you did in your first paragraph, dating doesn't seem in the cards for me. As for being open with other people, you bring up a good point. I think the problem is that I am, I don't know if the word is 'deep' but maybe, with other people. It's like I only have one gear, this is who I am. But maybe that freaks people out because they don't know me well enough to desire that type of connection with me.

I don't want to make it sound like I'm completely backwards socially. I'm not like some needy person walking around and trying to bare my heart to people handing me food at a drive through. This is how it came across and that's not it at all. I guess I would maybe say I just crave a deeper and more real connection with people than what most people give.

Anymore I just think that most people are complete bull$hit. I've really been freaked out lately by how many people on this board consider divorce a reasonable option. And how many people are looking for their next partner so soon. And how many people are ok with something less than a committed relationship. I'm not saying they're all wrong. But when I say it, I don't feel I'm crazy either for saying that there is something important and special about having one relationship, that it is irreplaceable, and that when the irreplaceable is lost it takes a long time to process and you should take that time, and then, maybe, someday when I'm ready to build a second relationship, I want that one to be irreplaceable as well.

I like JB's post on JH's thread about neediness during dating. I'll give this some thought too. Right now though I am absolutely fine with who I am, how I am, and everything that goes with it. I'm a little different than most other people, but I'm ok with that, and everyone is in their own way. And if I never talk to another woman again because I'm in a protective shell then I'll hit some pool balls, solve some chess problems (always white to play...), who knows, maybe I'll write that book someday. It's all good. But I'm not worried, because it will either all work out or I'll naturally change over the next 5 years when the timing is right.

Thanks all. Wishing you all well from DB land.