Hi Julie, wrt to validation without being a doormat, I can empathise with you. I am either way out aggressive or lie-on-the-floor-door mattish passive. It's hard for me to find a nice balance.

But I realise that when it comes to the issues in my M, I have reached the point when I can tell the X that 'I can see why you feel that way' because I really do, even when I don't agree with him. If I don't agree with him, I don't say that I agree with him.

What MWD says about validation is that it is the acknowledgement that other perceptions of reality exist. And each perception is valid to the person that holds it, whether or not they are justified. This is perhaps what having a beginner's mind is all about?

You can call me Dory/ Grl.

As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"

It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.