I honestly have no idea. She needs dialysis M, W and F. Kidneys are functioning at 3%.
Me: 32 W: 29 T:8 M: 6 D4 S2 M - 8/2008 W is not happy - 1/2014 W wants D - 9/2014 W moved out - 11/2014 D filed - 1/23/2015 D'ed - 2/25/2015 Gave X the Letter - 11/10/2015
I'm being beat up by some friends that think I should respond to XW about OM sleeping over.
My friends major points were: - it is selfish - it is confusing - it is unfair - the kids already know she is sick, they need their mom, not to have another guy sleep over
I agree with all of these points and more.
Should I respond to XW???
Me: 32 W: 29 T:8 M: 6 D4 S2 M - 8/2008 W is not happy - 1/2014 W wants D - 9/2014 W moved out - 11/2014 D filed - 1/23/2015 D'ed - 2/25/2015 Gave X the Letter - 11/10/2015
Me: 32 W: 29 T:8 M: 6 D4 S2 M - 8/2008 W is not happy - 1/2014 W wants D - 9/2014 W moved out - 11/2014 D filed - 1/23/2015 D'ed - 2/25/2015 Gave X the Letter - 11/10/2015
Mahhhy are the children being exposed to anything inappropriate as far as you are aware?
If they are, then by all means seek to address your concern.
If they aren't then, IMO not your circus, not your monkey's.
You really want to save fighting this battle for when it really matters, and when you really have to. Like if the children ever talk about something that places their safety (emotional, psychological and physical safety at risk of actual harm).
My experience tells me that if you address your concerns for the above reasons your XW will be perceive you as being petty, jealous and intrusive into what she considers her business. You lose any ground you potentially have made, in keeping a positive co-parenting relationship intact, also you lose the impact and power of any intervention you may absolutely need to make in the future, if you address the small stuff to frequently. XW will just dismiss you all the time if you raise things too often.
In addition if you mind yourself through this sitch right now with OM, when it eventually turns to custard, she can't fire any bullets your way, stating that you contributed to it.
Right now, you need to be seen as the hero and that means having virtue, and behaving in such a way that your intentions and character cannot be called into question.
Let just me say though, if you think your children are at serious riks of harm, go hard!
I agree with Jelly. That's going to be the hardest part of "sharing" our kids: not really having a say of what happens when they are with their other parent.
I doubt you could win this one. If she would listen to your arguments, she wouldn't have introduced them in the first place.
G & Jelly. Thank you very much! That was helpful, and I appreciate you looking out for me!
This rings true. "Right now, you need to be seen as the hero and that means having virtue, and behaving in such a way that your intentions and character cannot be called into question."
I'm an easy going guy, I can (as you know) over analyze, at the end I was critical and not my self with respect to her.
I think they (my friends) feel that I should take more of a stern approach. I also think they believe I let her walk all over me.
Most importantly my kids. I think it is selfish and inappropriate that she is letting him sleep over (also picking him up from the airport and bringing him to family functions). I have said nothing. But surely in a time where she is going in for surgery and the kids know she is sick I believe it to be ridiculous.
Me: 32 W: 29 T:8 M: 6 D4 S2 M - 8/2008 W is not happy - 1/2014 W wants D - 9/2014 W moved out - 11/2014 D filed - 1/23/2015 D'ed - 2/25/2015 Gave X the Letter - 11/10/2015
Friends want us to fight the good fight, they view the D-world from a place of what is right, and what is wrong. What is fair and just. The fight the short term battle for us from their outsider, observers position. And bless them that they do because we need their love and support to get through this sitch. They do know our long term goal and strategy that we are using with Dbing.
I don't disagree with your assessment of the situation or the ridiculousness involved. However the WW or WAW in my humble opinion does tend to play that card often, and they tend not to be known for their sense of forthought and consideration.
Sorry you and your little lovelies at in this position Mahhhty. They are so lucky to have you.
