More specifically, I hate that she is so okay with not contacting me at all. She hasn't once, since this separation, called to see how I'm doing, to talk about our marriage, or anything like that.
I hate it also at times but you do have to realize shes checked out of this M and is done, so why would she want to "talk about our marriage". In her mind it may be over and there's nothing else to discuss. As for asking how your doing, again, that's one of your needs. She doesn't need to see how your doing and there's various reasons for that. Mostly shes consumed in her own feelings so you cant expect her to consider yours.
I understand how hurt you are and the anger. I've had my fair share of it also the last year. BD for me was 13 months ago and W has showed very little if any interest in how this has effected me or the kids. D5 cries almost daily for "mommy", sometimes W sees it and gets emotional but never acknowledges it was her that did it. Maybe she knows on some level.
Once did she said sorry to me after I told her how hurt I was, early on, at what she was doing with OM. Just a "I'm sorry" and one other time she did tell me she "loved me with all of her heart and didn't regret any of the last 10 years together" but followed us with she just didn't love me now. I've not seen her cry once over his entire thing, but I've heard of her crying to others. Granted it might not be for me, it could be for what shes done to the family, or it could just be that OM didn't work out. Its something I may never know and it was difficult accepting the idea I may never see remorse over what shes done to our family. Even if she did feel it, she may never show it.
I had to swallow that hard pill just recently and you will also. If you're waiting on an apology and for her to start working on things you will be disappointed. Furthermore, even if she did say sorry to you, would that really magically end the pain shes caused? Your pain and anger, even if she caused it, will need to be worked on and healed by you. She cant and wont just fix whats been done.
I hate seeing her act happy also, as if the world is going on like nothing happened. Its like she dropped a match at a gas station and walked away with a huge smile on her face while the entire station blew up behind her, and she didn't even notice or look back to see.
We don't know what there really thinking so we cant speculate. She might not have cared because what was in front of her was more important to her survival. Or maybe she cant face what shes done so she ignores it. Either way, nothing we can do about it.
So yes, you have to let go. Theres a lot of confusion to what that means but you just leave her to live her life and you live yours. She does have a right to decide how it turns out even if others don't agree with her choices.
Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
