WW, My Addiction, Patience, and HOPE

[sandi2]

Can you communicate that compassion to her without words, through your gentle actions, through your eyes, body language? Through withdrawing out of respect that she's not ready, and that she is free to choose when she is ready?

I wished it worked that way with waywards, but for the most part, she will not see it as compassion until after she starts coming out of the fog and has learned from consequences and losses. Until then, she only sees her H's gentle actions as weakness in him. It's not necessarily b/c he's not compassionate enough or that he's bad. It's usually her issues that are the hinderance. Her mindset is out of whack. This is not the woman she use to be.

There have been numerous LBH's on the board who were very tender hearted, kind, patient, loving in every way, who never wanted to do anything but make their W happy. It seems anyone would respond to compassion, wouldn't they? Most WW's that I have read about are too cold hearted, self-centered, rebellious, and other heart problems...to even want their H's compassion and/or gentle action. One exception, however, is when they are having a pity-party. Then they think he should open his arms and agree with her sob story.

I don't mean to imply that the LBH has to be mean, hateful, or cold to his WW. He doesn't. I am just saying that whenever he shows her actions that she interprets as being soft, she often does not appreciate it. In the husband-wife dynamics, she will take advantage of his gentle ways, if he does not show an inner strength that can withstand her all the bad things that waywards have been known to do.

I also believe that if a woman believes the man is waiting around while she decides which will be her choice, he is going to lose her. I mean, it sounds sweet, but in reality that's just not how a wayward thinks. She's going to look at the guy she thinks she's going to lose, not the one who is waiting and hoping she'll pick him.