2016 a New Year - getting out of my own fog

[Irish M]

Crazy day and I use that term very lightly.

Mediation appointment was this morning and W was there. I sat down and did not start any conversation.
I can see her looking at me in the corner of my eye. She whispers. “How are the girls?”

I reply calmly that they are fine. Schools is going good ect.

She then asks “why the D’s still are mad at me?” I ask her what she thinks the reason is.
She replies” because I left you”.

I smiled and shook my head. I reply. “No. it’s more than that.” She then goes into the angry mode. Saying I am keeping the D’s away from her. She is their mother and I should force them to see her.

Remember we are not in mediation yet. We are in the reception area waiting for our appointment to start.

ME - “you are their mother and you decided to abandon them. You hurt them more than you can imagine.”

W – “I never abandoned them. I want a list of things I did bad to them. “

ME – “you had an apartment – lost it – moved away out of town. I call that not being in their lives and running. You neglected them to the point that they don’t want to see you. Took their keys from them, insulted them, told them lies that they saw through…. ” She cuts me off.

W – “I don’t want a list anymore… I couldn’t afford the apartment. I had no choice.”

ME- “So you kook up with the first guy and move in with him?”

W – “So in order for me to see the kids and to have them wanting me back, I need to move back to our town, break up with boyfriend?” She is now looking at me with this huge grin waiting for my reaction.

ME – “I don’t care what you do with your boyfriend. You should put your kids first, be there for them especially during a separation. They want a mom not a friend for hot chocolate or a movie.”

Long pause

ME “I don’t want to talk about this. It’s been 7 months and this is a conversation we should have had then. We are here to finalize the separation financials and be divorced ASAP. You will be free and it’s done. If you want me to help you with the kids to reconnect I will but I won’t force them.”

W is clearly unsettled now. Starts turning in her seat

W – “I don’t need your help….This isn’t working for me. I don’t feel like I am properly represented here anyway. I’m leaving and will continue this through my lawyer”

She gets up as the mediator comes to greet us. W tells her she is leaving and cancelling any future appointments. Says she still doesn’t see her children. They don’t want to see her.

I stay quiet until she attacks me. “And H (me) is controlling the kids against me. They don’t respect me at all. I left him not them. I wasn’t happy any more. I will go through my lawyer. Force him to sell the house. I gave my D’s Xmas gifts through the school… they returned them to me at my work. H (me) drove them. They wrote nasty comments on the envelope.”

ME – “The Xmas gift was nice but wasn’t delivered in the proper way. The secretary presented it to them in front of a bunch of kids and they were insulted and embarrassed. They were also teased about this from kids. I did not drive them to your work to deliver this because at that time I was at work. I also apologized to you for their behavior via text in which you said you understand they are angry at you for what you had done to the family and them.
Sure W, I am the puppet master, I control the D’s and they weren’t witnesses to your new personality...”

W looks at me with an angry look. “You be quiet I don’t want to hear nothing from you”

MEDIATOR – “if you want me to meet the D’s and discuss with them”

ME – “Sure, I am open to this idea. I want to proceed with mediation since we got this far. I can have the D’s here anytime.”

W – “NO, I will deal with it through my lawyer.” And she walks out.

So nothing but a mess today.
Not sure if she is starting to realize things are coming to an end and she is trying to delay it.
She knows that the laws where I live listen to the kids and at their age they have a say in the matter.

She went from trying to find herself at BD to blaming me when she left, then it’s all her fault for breaking up the family at Xmas to blaming me for everything today.

Oh the joy of MLC