I'm going to tell you something and take it as you will:
Without knowing all the specifics of your addiction, I'm going to tell you that I believe that your W is using it as an excuse to do what she's doing.
This is something I've personally seen from my W and in other WWs on the board here. They find things to "cling" to in order to justify their actions.
For my W it was household responsibilities, for others, it's something else. Before I knew about the A I was so, so confused. Actually, anyone who knew the sitch was because people don't have those kinds of issues over chores.
I wore so much guilt. I felt like it was my doing. I've realized now that I literally had no place in my Ws decision to step out. Did I contribute to a M that wasn't sufficient? In ways, yes. But an A is a choice, an individual choice.
Your W is using this as a platform to try to hold you responsible. DO NOT LET HER IN YOUR KITCHEN!!!!!
There are millions upon millions of men that use porn on a daily or weekly basis. I don't know the extent of your use, but in MY mind and a good majority of others, including many, many women, porn use < cheating.
In a sex-starved M, porn can even be a way to take pressure off of a LD spouse.
If you want to believe that they are, in fact, on the same level, and we can consider the porn the OW, then congratulations! you've just gone 85+ days NC!!! that's something to be celebrated!! Good for you man!! Your W couldn't make it, what? a week with NC?
I know you want this to work out. I want this for you, too. But please don't let her walk you like this, man. The A is disrespecting enough and now she's going to carry on openly with it? You don't need to confront her, you need to go "dark." You need to carry on like this isn't salvageable and then readjust when she's done work to prove that it is.
Sandi called it: She has to hit "rock bottom." She may need the D to happen so she can see the other side of the fence. That is the reality and that is the reality you need to prepare yourself for.
Go dark, drop the rope, and go into protection mode. Time to get selfish for you and your kids.
