Ugghhh, have I mentioned this is hard?

[trumpet]

SciDad,

You probably saw on the night of the 20th I found her contacting OM - I did get 'granted' access to her stuff a couple weeks ago, according to a psudo-NC action plan. Verbal, not written out. Wife stopped contacting OM, but she told me on Sunday that it was REALLY HARD. I validated. So, I did find her new password to Facebook, and logged in, to see OM talking with her, and thanking her for the love note. I went upstairs and confronted her right away - why let her cake eat and lead me along, going to counseling on Friday, with it being a huge sham? My doing things for her, her getting me coffee yesterday, were all a way to put a false scent on the trail to keep her tracks hidden. It hurt, and I did tell her it was unacceptable. I got angry, but didn't scream and yell - kids were in bed.

I honestly don't know what to do. This is the second major slip up after her wanting to 'work on us' without being totally committed. I'm thru with the half-a$%ed attempts at R. I was able to detach enough previously that I found happiness in myself.

I know I'll get very sad for the kids again. It's very natural, and they're the ones I'm going to hurt with divorcing my wife. If she doesn't follow through with serving me, I think that might be what I have to do.

I plan on all my future checks moving to my own account. I had a bit going there every month for counseling, but we won't have enough in checking and savings to pay bills this month, and will probably have to stop paying bills next month. I do the bills, and this will really affect me, since I was doing Dave Ramsey's snowball, and really believed I was getting us out of debt to reduce the stress in our marriage - I wanted to take trips with the kids, maybe a trip just with the wife and I - there were many possibilities, like setting up money for college for the kids. I'll have to mourn that goal, that dream, now. She was never on board with it anyway. To her, you can't take it with you, so spend it!