WW, My Addiction, Patience, and HOPE

[trumpet]

Sandi,

She would probably call the cops if I took the kids - amber alert type stuff. The kids wouldn't want to leave the house.

I could take a few days off and stay at my parent's house - they are in FL right now.

There was only one day that she said she'd comply to the NC - the day we hugged and kissed, and she said we were worth putting back together. It lasted a couple days.

Reconciliation in our case would take months, and my heart leapt out of my chest every time we made progress. At the same time, her heart was still with OM, and any little issue or stress at work put him front and center in her mind. She got her escape, her fix, by talking with him. I see now that we had breaks in the fog, but it's never left her.

D14 and S12 heard us last night. I explained what happened. They're not happy with mom. I told them to love her, love the sinner, but hate the sin.

No crying in front of them this week. No crying in front of wife. Anger last night. Told her I was disappointed in her.

Her words often beg a question, or force me into talking about divorce, that I want a divorce. Wouldn't it be easier to file D, trumpet? You know you want to! I'm an awful wife! You don't deserve me! I'm unhappy and deserve to be loved. You NEVER loved me. You mis-treated me for 15 years, and now it's my turn to feel love! Your spying means you'll never trust me! I have found someone that finally loves me! It might not work out with OM, but I know being married to you is wrong! You deserve to be as happy as I am with OM texting me every day!

Kids - I'd hate to leave them - I'm sure it would look like I'm abandoning them if I found a place. That would really hurt me.
Lawyer told me to stay put.

Going to pray and get some consoling from one of our pastors today, will go pray for a while.