I agree w/Cadet's posting. However, I do want to point out that you can't put a timeline on a person in crisis. Why? Because each person is unique, i.e., personality, childhood issues, etc. They will move through their crisis on their own timeline, which is always slower than a turtle in a race with the hare.
When a person is in crisis, they do not look at their situation the same way that we do. Yes, the marriage was a good one until the crisis hits, but in their minds, looking back, they tend to remember and select things that happened between the MLCer and LBS and continue to bring them up over and over again. Their memories are faulty. They look at the glass as half full or completely empty.
The LBS tends to think about things many, many months after the bomb drop and yes, we can see things far more clearly and we begin to think of the many flaws of our spouses and how they affected the relationship...this too can be considered rewriting history.
In the beginning we all try to find answers to the lock to open the door of the MLCer has shut tightly against us, but you can't reason w/them because they are on an emotional journey and they can be very irrational at times and will not listen to us. So, the best thing to do is sit quietly and allow the answers to come. You can't rush the process, you can't fix them because you didn't break them, therefor you need to focus on you.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
