Ugghhh, have I mentioned this is hard?

[SciDad]

Hi Trumpet, I read the developments to your situation and will post after I've put a bit more thought into a response.

The EA is heating up again, MOST LIKELY. Not positive - are you?

No. They work together, so it would be very easy for things to heat up without leaving a trace for me to find. I'd only know after it got to a point where it was blatant.

I snooped, and found my wife's EA heated up again after Christmas. My wife needs the excitement, the 'juice', and it took her as far as filing the D. As soon as she did, she found regret and disappointment, and stopped the papers to be served to me.

I feel like I'm in a special purgatory where my wife has graciously let me exist for another 47 days, with her fantasy that something will happen magically and her heart will turn away from OM, or magically will fall back in love with me.

Yup, it's weird how they feel things should just happen naturally and everything will be clear. Life doesn't work that way, and being in a situation like that changes how you react and act toward her so how can that not change things?

She is just as likely to fall back to OM - she still has his phone, his email, is FB friends, etc. She's getting a couple of church people to whisper the right things in her ears, and I think her conscience is moving her back to the marriage.

I see the same dilemma in my wife. Teetering between the two of us while trying to decide which person she'll stay with.

M ore than ever, the focus for both of us is to gain strength and work on ourselves.

Yes. Yes. Yes. A thousand times yes. All we can do is work on the things we have control over.

What did you have for a transparency plan?

She agreed (albeit grudgingly) that I could look at her phone at any point, so long as she was in the room. That last bit was something I added to make her feel better and get her to agree, but I realize now that she only agreed to the transparency plan to placate me and get her off her back. She wasn't and isn't fully committed to making our marriage work.

I'm struggling to reach a decision on my next move. I'm hoping things will become a bit more clear in the next few days, but I have no reason to believe it will happen