Wonka, How do I show W the icing then pull the whole cake away? If I'm not supposed to see her, then I guess I shouldn't go to the women's basketball game where she and a lot of our friends will be? Even if I have a really cute "date"? Not a date really, just a new friend. And the whole idea of not going to things I've always gone to, just so I don't run into her. Aren't I then just slinking away? Like yoga tonight. She might be there, so I'm not going. But then I don't get to go to yoga. And I'm not switching clubs. (In fact, we are still sharing the "couple" membership, heh heh.)
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
Avoiding her is not moving on. Moving on is doing what you want. Going where you want and not caring one bit if she's there or not. If you have a cute new friend then definitely bring her along.
How do I handle the friends issue? Tonight I got a call from one of our mutual friends. I let it go to Voicemail. She said she heard rumors about what's going on, and that she values our friendship, and please call if I want to talk. If I call, I'll cry and wail and go on about how I can't believe this is happening. I don't want that to get back to W. And I know it will. I could call and pretend, but that doesn't seem wise either. So do I just let our mutual friends go and go dark with them, too? Or do I text back something like: Thanks for your call. I'm processing all this. Will call when I'm ready to talk.
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
I agree with Tx.^^^ For now, you have lost your W. Why should you lose friends also? Word of warning though. Some friends may process what you both tell them and take sides. Expect this in some cases. I would call them back and just thank them for checking in on you. And tell them that you are ok, even if you are faking it.
Me-40's W- 40's Married 22, Together 29 BD#1- 6/15 W needs space BD#2- OM confirmed PA 1/8/16 Still both home, but not for long
NYGal, I apologise for my previous post. I misread OW as W. My brain must be seriously fried by all the fumes from the noxious meds I have been putting on my head.
Agree with the rest that you should not cut yourself off from your friends. Go dark on W but not your friends. You need them to GAL and show W what she's missing out on (through them).
You can call me Dory/ Grl.
As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"
It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
If a friend is truly your friend than the information wouldn't get back to W. You need to have a support system of true friends. Friends you can trust, rely on, vent to, cry with, GAL with and lean on. Even if it's only one friend.
Me 40 WW 41 D 4 S 12 S 14 BD 6.16.2015 W stopped wearing ring 9.4.15 W Filed Divorce 9.14.15 My ring off 11.15.15 D finalized 12.18.15 WXW (wayward X wife) moved out 1.28.16 got her own place
I noticed on a lot of threads that the Wayward Spouses text us a lot during the week. Not so much on weekends when they are with the OP. This is too much. I've got to quit focusing on her/them. I'm torturing myself.
Pulled this from another thread you were on.
I met with my IC last night. I learned from him that creating distractions is a healthy coping skill for dealing with pain. It helped me realize the distractions I've created help me not have to experience the pain 24/7. I believe this is the foundation of GALing. This is why GALing is so important.
Create some distractions. Focus on you.
Try not to analyze when she texts and when she doesn't. Be the best you can be. She will hear. She will notice. Keep moving forward. If she catches up, GREAT! If not you don't want her back anyway.
Me 40 WW 41 D 4 S 12 S 14 BD 6.16.2015 W stopped wearing ring 9.4.15 W Filed Divorce 9.14.15 My ring off 11.15.15 D finalized 12.18.15 WXW (wayward X wife) moved out 1.28.16 got her own place
I recommend you maintain your friendships. Don't lose the connection. If talking on the phone will be to upsetting communicate via text. It is a more controlled, non personal form of communication. It provides you pause to say the right thing.
I learned from him that creating distractions is a healthy coping skill for dealing with pain. It helped me realize the distractions I've created help me not have to experience the pain 24/7. I believe this is the foundation of GALing. This is why GALing is so important.
I think there are other benefits as well.
On the hand, yes, it keeps you from thinking about her. But, also, at the same time, you are learning new skills or hobbies, you are regaining self confidence, gaining self awareness, developing your own social circle outside of W. And so on.
At the start, yes, I think it's a way to avoid the negative. But later, it becomes a way to build positive.
