Hanging in there with hope

[ciluzen]

I mean feeling gratitude and positivity, praying to give him what he needs to get over her and come back, visualizing being back together and happy and acting happy about it now like it has already happened. I was just reading about it and was curious.

Feeling gratitude and positivity are great tools for YOU to help you make it through your situation. They will help YOU to have the energy to GAL and detach.

Prayer for him...maybe more towards him to heal and keep his heart open to you. But (if you are religiously minded), God helps those who help themselves. You will still need to do the hard work on you to find out what might have changed in your R on your part to affect his feelings toward you.

Visualizing being back together and happy...manifesting? Once again, you can call that a goal and do the hard work on yourself to attain it, and DB does use acting "as if" while in his presence (cheerful and upbeat); but you also should probably remember that you will need the caveat of "no expectations". To protect your own emotional health. And go over Sandi's rules daily to remind yourself what DB principles are in these friendly interactions.

I can't stress enough the idea of positive interactions within the DB framework.
If you think about the OW at all, you will fall into an obsession or competition with her; neither are helpful. Try to leave her out of your thoughts...ignore.

This is where acting "as if" is helpful. Treat H as an ally in DB, even if he isn't right now. Work on yourself and find your "happy". Eat what you want, do what you want, watch what you want, learn what you want, hang out with who you want to, dress how you want...become the confident wonderful person you are supposed to be.
When interacting with H, let him see that happy, confident person you are becoming. Remember your 180s and follow the DB protocols. Then leave him alone when he leaves. It will leave him thinking about the positive vibe from you. It may not show results quickly, he wont trust that at first... may even think you are being fake and manipulative. But if you can keep it up (if it really is a change due to your insights from the tough, hard work)he may start to wonder, then believe, then...who knows.

I had to learn, by the way, that with my emotional reactivity, anger was my trigger. It usually took the form of despair and withdrawal followed by lashing out (either verbally or in my head), but it was anger. My biggest 180 was to learn compassion and understanding for how my reactions or inactions made my H feel...lonely, unloved, and hopeless. This led to behaviors on his part that did not seem in line with his personality, so I continued escalating my behavior...and he continued his. Once I figured this out, my 180 was clear. So I forgave him, as well as others. I let it all go. I have had only truely positive interactions ever since. Who knows what will happen. I'm going to have to overcome years of negativity.

Do the hard work. Follow the clues. Work on yourself. Ignore the OW distraction.