My question for you: Does your W truly want out of the M? If she does, then why would you stop her? No amount of coercion or convincing will convince her otherwise. You cannot control her, nor make those decisions for her. It sounds like you realize that already, but fear of the unknown, specifically your future, is preventing you from moving forwards.
I know it is a lot of investment in a new life and that she may not (likely will not) come back. Are you willing and ready to accept that? You are stuck right now. Afraid to move forward and risk her leaving, afraid to stay where you are and further erode her respect for you.
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So do I let her go and encourage her to sign papers and put the for sale sign in the yard and see what happens?
You are still in that phase where you make a move and monitor her reaction to "see what happens". You have to start doing things for your own betterment and stop caring what her reaction will be. Basically, detach. It is easier said than done - I am not there yet either. If you let her go and sign the papers, you should do it for yourself, because it is the right thing to do, and NOT to see what her reaction will be.
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That bridge would be burned too.
No one's life goes as they expect it to go. Perhaps the bridge to which you are referring is an illusion and was never there in the first place.
No one wants to be in this sitch. I am sorry you are grappling with such awful choices.
