Happy Sunday, Pinn! Good for you! Sometimes we need our own signposts to keep us going. I totally agree that Zues' statement is that! Just a simple nudge to give us all the motivation to keep on the path we've set out for ourselves. I personally take screen shots of some of these great DB statements and re-read them when I need encouragement. It works!
Wishing you a great week ahead!
Me- 30's H- 40's T-10 M-5 I moved out b/c he wanted space- June 15 D filed by H: September 16
I got my first invisalign treatment today. My teeth were already pretty straight but a few were bugging me. Some think I am crazy for spending money on this but I do not care. It bugged me and any little confidence boost I can get the better. I'm not vain, I just want to feel good. The goal is to be a mini Rock (talk about alpha male!)... he's the inspiration. It's six months so it works out perfectly. The MBA will be finished by then and that will be right around the 1 year mark.
Also, just had a phone interview that went well. I would love that job. We'll see. Next step is to figure out what to do with this house. Seems like either way I need to sell it. Even if we get back together, we would need a complete fresh start which means selling this place. If not, I cannot see staying here by myself. ehh.. got some time there I guess.
I can't believe on Wed it will be 6 months since I have seen (that's right SEEN!) my wife. It went by so fast. I can't even believe it. I am just going to keep on doing what I am doing right now. Seems to be working for me mentally at least. If she does not bring up D, then I will re-evaluate at the 1 year mark.
I started reading the 5 love languages book. Fascinating. The physiological aspect of all of this stuff is so interesting. I have a pretty good handle on my love language and what I wanted or liked is what I gave me wife. I remember the few times she hit my language... it felt really good. I am so sad to say that I am not sure what her primary one is. I have known her since we were 11 and I don't know it. Maybe with some further thought, I can grasp it. I think I can rule some out at least.
I think your WW has administered bad treatment to discourage you, even to prove to you, that the M is over. That is one reason I believe the longer the LBH stalls, the worse she will act. That's what women do!
Some LBH'S will experience this coldness and bad attitude (and worse), and then when he agrees to a divorce, she changes and becomes like his BFF. That's b/c she doesn't have to convince him any longer and they can just be best buddies!
If the H would display an attitude that said, "You know, I've been thinking about us and I've decided you are right. This really isn't working for me, either". The H would see surprise in her, and then she would probably be friendlier and even warmer........and then, she would probably become very curious as to his reasons for wanting to move on and she would start making excuses for more contacts, etc. I have not seen it fail, yet. It's just that the LBH'S are afraid to do it, or else they have waited too long.
The whole idea of remaining friends and keeping the home safe place, etc., just doesn't seem to work in a case of waywardness. The only cases I can recall that were successful in drawing the WW back, were those where the WW believed the LBH was done and no longer attached nor interested in her.
It sparks something deep inside of the woman. It almost lures her to the man who no longer desires her. She has this feeling similar to a challenge to rise in her. That old basic human nature of wanting what is no longer hers to have. It has been removed. She thought she didn't want it, but now she's lost it......and she wants it back.
The board has had hundreds of men who will post how confused they get b/c when they finally give up and leave the WW alone and he starts building a life for himself, she starts to pursue him. . Old human nature........just can't beat it.
The catch is that the LBH has to let her really work hard to get him back again. Too many men want to jump back the first sign of her reaching out to him. The first several times will just be her testing him. If he goes all melty-man, then she loses interest. (Pursuit and Distanting).
Copying Sandi's posts from Flights thread here...
I have certainly found this to be true the previous times my wife and I broke up (bf/gf back then but same pattern). She always knew to come back right when I actually had moved on... it is kind of crazy how that works. The five love languages book is really bring some things to light for me. I still believe there is a chance for something special between us. But we'll see.
It is our nieces 6th birthday today... really sad I have to miss that tonight. I dropped off a gift at the in laws for her yesterday.
I feel like I am taking a huge step backwards today. I am in a big time funk, the worst in months. Having a lot of trouble focusing at work, the WW is on my mind.
I don't know if it was the fact that I missed my nieces first birthday since she was born yesterday or if it is the fact that today marks 6 months since I last saw my wife. Pathetic.
It is hard with so little contact to get any kind of feel for where she is at. I feel my current method is exactly what I should be doing and exactly what I should not be doing all at the same time. I even had that strong urge hit to contact her today but luckily I fought through that.
Detaching is hard. Just when I think I make progress, I get pulled back in. Worst part is, she did not even do anything to pull me back in. I think this will be a temporary blip but still.
Being so much in the dark is driving me crazy. I wish there was a black and white answer to all of this. I want to sit down and talk about all this with her... the real her, find out what happened. Not the her that was parading around with her new hair, bright pink bra hanging out and a mini skirt on (that's a great memory). I just want to hypnotize her, remove that fog, and find out what the real story is.
Sorry for the rant, there is nothing to even respond to in this. I am not changing anything that I am doing... some days are just harder than others. I still think my very limited contact is the right way to go but it is kind of counter intuitive. It is really hard seeing this ending positively for us. Sure, I will grow and learn a lot. But my hopes of a new marriage with my wife are dwindling. I feel very strange even calling her my wife. In some ways, I do wish she would say something like.... "you know what Pin, I have taken the last 7 months and really thought about things. It just will not work between us, I will not be happy. I want a divorce." It would be a relief.
maybe something like a whitty joke. I hope they are not nightmares!. I really don't know either.
I was reading your post right before you got the text. I feel the same way. I am going as little contact as possible,it feels right and so wrong. Then you rmewmory of her and the mini skirt hit home again. I get to deal with the fact that we have 2 kids together and she will get to occupied to call them. that will get me spinning!
I def think you need to respond, but just remember could be a temp check and if you dive in she can run.
best of luck
M 37 W 34
T 12 M 8 D 7 S 4
Need break 4/12/15 W no ring 7/7/15
Separate room 4/12/15 Separate living suggested 8/15 W moved out 11/1/15
Thanks OTW... I kind of like that idea of the joke. Temp checking is fine by me as long as I handle it right... i've gotten jack for the past 7 months.
Yea that memory is etched in my mind. Hard to get it out. It is vivid.
Any other recommendations on how to respond to the above text?
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
. Old human nature........just can't beat it.