Hi thanks for the posts New thread so quick ( as possible ) recap
24 months ago I got the ILYBNILWU speech with the twist that she did not want to D and wanted to stay as man and wife without sex
Over the next few months W tried to get me to see MC and attempted to patch things up I made it clear she made a choice and that was that
About this time W started menopause ( W went to Doctors for confirmation. ) . Ws sex drive had never been great since birth of S20
W also started volunteering locally and this seemed to take over her life
4 months later I discovered W was friendly with a co worker who has mild mental issues and is an alchoclic I confronted W and did some spying but all I found was that during the day W was taking him to doctors , etc
At this point W was seeing IC and was very upset and seemed unsure of what she wanted. We went to MC but this was a complete waste of time and made things worse
Again through snooping I confirmed no PA ( as much as you can ). At this time Ws family contacted me and asked what was going on and could they help
After W had told me that she did not want to be married , I told her that I accepted that but I was going to stay with kids ( 4 ). W readily accepted this
W moved out Oct 14 and into a one bedroom flat, where she still lives
Since W has gone , I have expected OM to be announced to the world but so far he has not been. W has told me that he spends nights in her flat but still denies PA
W has not thrived during the seperation and has been diagnosed with depression and is on ADs. I ha e seen an LC and got through the worst of the pain and got on with my life I have accepted my share in the demise of the M and worked hard to become a better person. I have a good way to go but I am getting there slowly
Since W left she collects the youngest three , D14 , S17 and D11 from school 3 days a week and cooks for them She does do bits and pieces around the house but generally she is more like an aunt than a mother
Kids have all treated W quite badly for leaving with the exception of D11 who is an angel !!!! All kids have told W they want nothing to do with her outside of the home and they want nothing to do with her personal life
W has no money , struggles from week to week and I do help out She gets 400'euro a month from the family as she could not live without it
Ws sister keeps in contact and as of Monday insists OM is not even a close friend
W does not seem to have anyone and often asks for advice or help on the most basic things that it would APPEAR that she has no one close to her
Recently W started staying in house one night a week as we had an issue with one of the kids and W asked if it would be ok
W also has physical problems re the menopause that she is struggling with.
W has come forward ( temp checked ) on a few occasions and she does seem genuinely lost
I'm asked do I have a plan for DBing this sitch. To be honest no , W made choices and I've accepted them The pain and anguish I went through ( as do we all ) is something I will not go through again We were together 25 years and W gave up on it It's hard to accept but accept I must
I will always be there for W until OM or another guy is annouced but while not detached , i certainly have the acting " as if " down to an art
I have tried dating and while not anything special to look at I do seem to be able to attract ladies The last one I went out with was a real stunner and seemed to have a great personality but to be honest , I had no interest and would have been happier having dinner with a mate
That's my story and as I posted on my last thread , the best advice I can give anyone is accept what is. Things do change but your reality is you have a WAS who is not going to be changing their minds anytime soon Once you accept this , you can live for you and then let life do its thing. The DB books and this forum were a life saver for me
Thanks to everyone who's followed and supported me
