Waw, she is in love, need advice/support

[Bear007]

How interesting of you to say that - yesterday I gave her my plan - she gets almost everything she wants, the way she wants, but I get child's address (custody) and we split child time 50-50.

She called me a bully, and that I want to use child as leverage, and that this way I can go away to another city/country anytime. She also threatend that she will leave to her mother WITH CHILD, and that she will bring child every day to school by car (now it is walking distance).

I stayed calm, and tonight I am going to suggest that she can agree with me on anything (like me not moving to another city or she gets custody) but I still want custody.

My arguments are:
she gets everthing she wants - divorce/separation + place to live + money to get renovations
I get only child + loan and lose my wife...

Any thoughts?

[Cadet]

Stick to your guns and fight for your child!

You can tell her if she doesn't want to move then you can add a provision in that she must stay within some radius or in the present school district.
Yes see a lawyer

[Bear007]

again we had a talk over the phone, she had interview for new job and was confident she can get it.

After that we had same argument over and over - who will get custody, nobody moved an inch, so we decided we can talk in the evenig, but she was nervous and agitated and agry at me, so no conversation took place.

[sandi2]

I stayed calm, and tonight I am going to suggest that she can agree with me on anything (like me not moving to another city or she gets custody) but I still want custody.

Be careful here, that gives her way too much power over your life.

[Bear007]

this weekend we had talks again, with no further progress. I am not giving up on joint custody where I get child's primary custody, and she is not giving up either.

She wants to file papers for divorce this week, so I will let her do this.

I had few moments this weekend when I broke some rules, hugged her... it is very difficult because she is living in the same apartment, sleeping in the same bed.
There is no place in apartment for me to kick her out anywhere, and if kicked her out to her mother then she already threatened to take child with her.

Sandi2, thanks for the advice, I am trying to arrange thing so that for the next 9y (until she is 18) child gets to live in same neighborhood where all her friends are, and basically I am a developer and can work from anywhere, so living premises are not a problem for me.

[Bear007]

A little progress here, we talked again and she said that she will think about me taking over custody after I offered to get her additional money for renovations if she agrees or the whole deal is off.

Also appointed to a meeting with lawyer in 2 days, it will cost money but it will be worth it if I get right advice.

I prepared list of questions regarding my situation, local law in my country, if anybody is reading this do you have any list of questions for your first meeting with lawyer?

[Bear007]

Yesterday setback, she decided that I was blackmailing with additional money and that she will file for divorce the ugly way...

Basically she did not talk to me except about things regarding regular home tasks.

again, I know, trust nothing she says, repeating this request again
I prepared list of questions regarding my situation, local law in my country, if anybody is reading this do you have any list of questions for your first meeting with lawyer?

[Cadet]

I don't have a list of questions but my advice is to find a very tough lawyer that is not afraid to fight for you.

Any lawyer you contact - she can not use.

You can interview as many lawyers as you want as they usually give you a free consultation.

[Bear007]

I found one lawyer that fights for men exclusively, he does not have free consultation, but I have enough of his references to know he is good. And he is divorced father also.

No progress yesterday, no talk or anything.

[Bear007]

Had talk with lawyer yesterday, he gave good advice, and for my biggest concern (child custody) he said that I don't stand a chance if my wife plays it even remotely wisely, so I should settle for what I can get.

For buying an apartment for her to live in he said that this is not even remotely a good option because she can change her opinion anytime and I will be left hanging with loan and child support.
She need to feel the harsh reality of real world, and basically that is what rules are saying, and as much I want to help my child I cannot do it by buying an apartment for my wife to live in.