Thank you NYGal. Right back at ya. Yesterday was pretty good. Last night I had some good Daddy Daughter time, and worked on remodeling my bathroom. D4 and I had dinner, went to home depot, got some ice cream and watched Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. She's a huge fan always wanting to pretend to be them and watch the cartoon. I also repainted the bathroom, installed a new vanity and top, installed a new light fixture and mirror. Only thought of WXW nearly every minute. Not really missing her. Just missing what I dreamed our M would be.....but it wasn't. Not sad thoughts. Just thoughts. Such as "Hmmm.....which color paint is going to look good in the bathroom. Usually WXW would pick the paint, furniture or decor and I would do the work. She always picked the right stuff.
No worries I did well.
Me 40 WW 41 D 4 S 12 S 14 BD 6.16.2015 W stopped wearing ring 9.4.15 W Filed Divorce 9.14.15 My ring off 11.15.15 D finalized 12.18.15 WXW (wayward X wife) moved out 1.28.16 got her own place
G i feel you on those thoughts. I miss my old life more than anything. I think that is where the thoughts of them come in. Hard to kick. I often think to myself would I not feel this way if I just replaced her? I know that is not the answer and no way ready for that, but those thoughts creep in.
M 37 W 34
T 12 M 8 D 7 S 4
Need break 4/12/15 W no ring 7/7/15
Separate room 4/12/15 Separate living suggested 8/15 W moved out 11/1/15
otw, I miss the good memories of my old life. I don't miss the anxiety, the anger, the blame, the lack of taking personal responsibility, the accusations, the name calling, the controlling actions, the belittling of my friends and family, etc etc etc....that my WXW use to put me through.
I am able to remember the good times but must remember she has to get some help in order to be the healthy wife I would like to have. This keeps me from folding when she tells me she loves me and wants to start couples counseling.
Me 40 WW 41 D 4 S 12 S 14 BD 6.16.2015 W stopped wearing ring 9.4.15 W Filed Divorce 9.14.15 My ring off 11.15.15 D finalized 12.18.15 WXW (wayward X wife) moved out 1.28.16 got her own place
I'm with you there. Lots of memories of old life. Missing all of it. We really had a darn good relationship (not perfect), until OW came along. That might be why this is so hard. We really were/are? best friends. So difficult.
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
Me 40 WW 41 D 4 S 12 S 14 BD 6.16.2015 W stopped wearing ring 9.4.15 W Filed Divorce 9.14.15 My ring off 11.15.15 D finalized 12.18.15 WXW (wayward X wife) moved out 1.28.16 got her own place
Met with my IC last night. I've been reflecting on my pain. How am I managing it? Dealing with it? Early on in my WXW A's b4 DBing (4 acronyms in a row)I managed my anger by redirecting that energy into loving her unconditionally. Which we all know does not work. I then managed my pain by GALing and probably GALing too much and going to the gym. But now what? The D is final. She should be moving out end of this month. My grieving time has been delayed because of this process being drug out. Like a band aide slowing being pulled off. So the pain is probably going to get worse. What I am realizing is I've never learned to deal with pain in a healthy way as an adult. My first heart break happened about the same time I was introduced to drinking and since then I have always suppressed pain with alcohol and women. Not healthy.
After speaking with my IC about it I'm hoping to use and develop some skills we spoke about. We, of course, spoke about giving it to God. He will comfort us. Pray about it. But we also spoke about "sitting in my pain". Just sitting, crying and being in the moment. Allowing myself to experience it in little dosages and eventually building a tolerance to it. Going to definitely work on this instead of getting drunk.
Me 40 WW 41 D 4 S 12 S 14 BD 6.16.2015 W stopped wearing ring 9.4.15 W Filed Divorce 9.14.15 My ring off 11.15.15 D finalized 12.18.15 WXW (wayward X wife) moved out 1.28.16 got her own place
G it is way too easy to look for the temp fix of going out and doing some drinking. Problem is the next day you feel bad from drinking and question your life on that level and then the whole situation piles on top.
been down that road, not fun. I am trying to plan trips on weekends to stay away from that kind of stuff.
M 37 W 34
T 12 M 8 D 7 S 4
Need break 4/12/15 W no ring 7/7/15
Separate room 4/12/15 Separate living suggested 8/15 W moved out 11/1/15
Well I over drank last night and now I feel like garbage. I know it's going to make me feel worse the next day but I did it anyway. I didn't come home until i was sobered up around 4:30am. I went right to the bedroom basement in order to try not to wake anyone. My WXW still lives in the house. She has always worried about my drinking and I would end up in jail. I too am scared. She had her parents drive up from their house 3 hours away to get D4 for 5 days. I agreed to this. She said "we need to figure out what is going on here" I'm not sure if she's talking about me getting drunk, our living situation, our R or what. But today is the first day of being a quitter. I quit drinking as of this morning. No more for me or i will lose everything. I know myself. I'll drink and get in trouble losing D4, house, job, and any chance of pulling this family back together.
I feel I have been very strong most of the time through this whole sitch but last night I stumbled. Trying to dust myself off and get back on the right path today but i'm not feeling very awesome
Me 40 WW 41 D 4 S 12 S 14 BD 6.16.2015 W stopped wearing ring 9.4.15 W Filed Divorce 9.14.15 My ring off 11.15.15 D finalized 12.18.15 WXW (wayward X wife) moved out 1.28.16 got her own place
G Put all your focus on the no drinking. Don't even give the MR a thought right now. You have tondo this for you as a married man or single. This is important.
M 37 W 34
T 12 M 8 D 7 S 4
Need break 4/12/15 W no ring 7/7/15
Separate room 4/12/15 Separate living suggested 8/15 W moved out 11/1/15
