Late to the game-2

[Free]

My apologies to everyone that posted here in the last few days.
Sotto- I fully own my part in this mess. I was not a good husband and, at times, not a good person. That said, I've never not loved my W. I just wasn't good at it. BD#1 shocked me into understanding how I had acted and how I made her feel.
I am still in counseling to address these issues and I will probably be there long after D. Believe me, I own my actions and I'll always regret them.
As far as reconciling and second chances, I know that I cannot get past the A. I don't know how else to describe it but it is as simple as that.
I think I asked her about OM again because her lying reinforces my decision to get out. Seeing/hearing evidence is one thing. Having her repeatedly lie about it to my face cements my thoughts.
The combatant attitude is pure anger from being betrayed.
They say time heals all. I'm banking on this now.
Your feedback is constructive and I do appreciate it.
Sandi- Yes, to everything you said. It would be impossible for anyone to quickly reconcile easily after an A and have any kind of lasting relationship. The damage done can someday be forgiven, but never forgotten. I have no doubts that it is possible for some.
As far as outing W to the kids, I won't do it directly. It will be a part of my response to D papers. They are all teens or older. I'm not even sure if age is a factor. Divorce and affairs are devastating whether you are 2 or 22.
Keefa- Yes. There is not much worse than this. Again, it is disgusting how common this is. I can't help but think that almost every situation is caused by a lack of being able to communicate, listen and understand.
This is a very unfortunate way to learn it.
TX- You are in a tough situation, but I would suggest to not give up. Why, you ask? Especially coming from someone that essentially gave up?
It's not because your W asked for forgiveness and made the attempt to reconcile. It is because you stuck it out after all of the bullsh!t that you went through and you are still there. You made this choice when the opportunity to reconcile presented itself. You did this knowing that the images in your head of your W and OM would never fully disappear. That means something. It means everything.
You are on the fence, as you should be and will be for a while. While on that fence, you appear to be leaning heavily towards M. You love your wife.
At some point, you will fall off of that fence and into the M side. When you are there, the questioning will go away and the memories will slowly dissipate.
Time and patience, my friend.