Hi Joie, it seems to me like you are on the fence right now.
I don't get the sense that you are ready for D yet, but you are tired of being stuck and you want out of this "limbo." I get it, I really, really do. But I also get the sense that you take your commitment seriously, and you want what is best for your child, which really could be an intact family.
You are being pulled in two directions- do I stay despite getting "nothing" but negativity from h- or do I leave and breathe a sigh of relief and start rebuilding my life? What will change for you if you woke up tomorrow divorced? Would your life really be better? Would your son's life be better?
I think now is the time to dig in really really deep and ask yourself if you are willing to put your own needs and wants on hold and be patient and work on yourself until such a time that you can get off the fence about your marriage. If your H uses this same time to work on himself, you never know, you could reconnect in a better way than before. At least you will have become a stronger person in the meantime, and if you do D, you will not be left wondering "what if?"
You say you are busy GAL'ing. That is good. What are you doing? What are your goals for yourself?
What are you doing today to make your life better? (Joie related, not M related.)
And then I am going to come back and ask you what are your H's issues with you? I know your issues with him, but if I asked him what the problem was, what would he say?
