I know for some people it is very hard to separate the emotional from the practical, financial side of life.
It's obvious for us, by what you post here, that he is very immature and needs to do a lot of growing up. He is also addicted, as you well said, and as you know, he is the only person to take himself to the next level and find some help on that area.
It is indeed a harsh situation for you. You have three small kids what makes it hard to work. You need to leave your kids somewhere and it can be very expensive, so the money you make working will be to pay daycare.
IMO, you need to start looking on what is offered in your state in these cases. Here in Colorado, there are social services in place to help mothers in hardship like yours. It's a process, but it works.
I had a friend in similar situation years ago. The city gave her one apartment, food, utilities and some financial help for a limited time until she could straight up her situation and get the legal child support resolved.
I also know for sure that my church helps a lot of people in hardship, many times they even hand a check so that person can get back in her feet.
Is this the best scenario that you would like in your life? Absolutely not. But this is what is in your hands right now and you need to concentrate in making it right for kids and yourself.
There are any family that can help you financially for now? Does his family knows what is going on and would help with the kids?
Stop thinking about him for awhile. Let him do what he wants or need to do. You won't solve his issues and you won't change him right now. He is spiraling out of control.
It is all you for now. Is this fair? Of course not. Does it hurts? Tremendously. But, it is what it is for now. You may have read some of the stories here were many went through the same hardship you are going through right now. And the only way to solve it, is to look for help.
Stop being sorry for yourself for a few hours a day and put your time into being productive and finding solutions for what is now your problem alone.
Once the court determines what is child support, then you may know where you stand. And remember that even child support ruled by the court does not mean money in your pocket. It is also calculated in what he makes, so it may not be the amount you really need to survive.
I am really, really sorry for your situation right now. That is the exactly reason I made my own divorce. I did not want it, I did because business comes first, feelings can be resolved with time. Empty bellies don't function, and if we don't function then we can't even hope for love.
This man is being a Jerk right now. Maybe he was a nice guy, and maybe he will come to some sense and become that nice guy again, but right now he is thinking only about himself and is not seeing any consequence. He is oblivious to any responsibility.
Stop yourself, think that for some hours of the day you need to be practical. I went to a great deal of desperation at first, and as I told you before, I realized that things wouldn't change next day. I got a counselor and anti depressants. Did all what I need to do with tears in my face, but I did what was right for me and my kids.
It worked for me to vent here in the forum, this was my pity party place, where I also found good advice and comfort for my wounds. I would go about business and then crash writing all the sorrows I had in my heart. I made time to be just business and time to be myself.
Again I say, it is very hard and you didn't ask for it. But it is what it is.
Make a list of friends, see the ones you can count to help you. It is that time in life that you need to be humble and look for the help of others. Don't leave it for tomorrow, don't expect him to just come back tomorrow, don't dream that suddenly he will be all responsible. Think that it is on you to solve the issues you have now.
I wish I did not say all the above to you, I wish there was a way to go to sleep and wake up with everything resolved. But there is no magic on this. There is only hard work.
Please, let us know what you start finding out in your area. Every time you solve a little issue, that is a victory and that will make you feel more confident and will give you energy to keep fighting. Some doors open, some closes, but you would be amazed of how much more you can push yourself.
Do you think that my life is easy? Do you think that many that are in this board have a easy way once in this R mess? The answer is NO. We all have difficulties, it is the way we handle it that will tell how we will be next week, a month, a year from here on.
I will visit you later today and I would like to hear about the phone call you did to find out what help is available in your are, what church you can ask for help. My church has an entire department just for single moms.
Forget about that XF of yours for a few hours and start thinking about you and your kids. Believe me, the story of him won't stop here. And he will also see how strong and determined you are, it will also attract his attention.
I am praying for you and your kiddos, I have you in my heart and I wish the best for you.
