Not much on the front of the W to discuss. I have stuck to my no contact fairly well. She has snuck in a few questions to me that i responded with one or two word answers. Seems she has stuck to my method of communication necessary kids stuff through email. S4 bday is in 2 weeks and we had to coordinate a party. I was picking kids up one day and she said i heard S4 say he wants to do his party at xx place. I said yes, I was going to call this week. She looked at me puzzled and said call for what? I said to see availability. I am not sure why she asked like she did, maybe because she usually did that sort of thing or actually i really dont know.
Anyway I took care of the set up and emailed her. She took on the invitations and communicated to me through email about.
I have actually really started coming out of my shell a bit when I am out with friends. I have typically been a very social person around people i know, but i can also be considered quiet. I have had a history of people interpreting this quietness as rude or stuck up. I wish people knew what really goes on in the head of an actual introvert!
So i have stepped out and been more social. I have had a lot of response from females actually. The initial contact is very nice but then if they want to maybe take things further to hang out one on one I find myself stopping or feeling that I am crossing a line that i am not ready to. Maybe it is just not letting go of hope enough yet but things are slowly coming around.
I must admit immediately after BD when wife was telling me all of her reasons we were not right for each other and I was scrambling for ways to prove her wrong, i took up dance lessons. W has danced her entire life and teaches, she said this is something she wanted to focus on in her life. Which she actually hasnt but that is another story. Anyway after I realized things were not progressing and recognized I was just doing it for her I stopped going. I have decided I am going again. I like the idea of knowing what I am doing on the dance floor and now going for myself. I think it is a huge step for me.
Last few things is I noticed I have been very low on patience when dealing with the kids the last week. I recognized this and I am making a conscious effort to fix this. Yes they are kids and need to be set straight, but i can do a better job. Sometimes I forget how hard this has to be on them. I could see my daughter visibly upset last night while we were facetiming. I could hear W in the background just spewing on them and I said to myself, that will not be me.
The of course last night I had dreams flooded with W for some reason. One was awful and I woke up, then the next was more pleasant. No matter how much i try to block her she finds a way to creep in!
that is all for now.
M 37 W 34
T 12 M 8 D 7 S 4
Need break 4/12/15 W no ring 7/7/15
Separate room 4/12/15 Separate living suggested 8/15 W moved out 11/1/15
