I know it's "wisdom" that the OM/OW is never the problem. I get the logic but I've lived through it too. Once they're out of the picture it's surprising how much easier it is to communicate and rebuild. Why? Because OM/OW work very actively to sabotage that. They are the KISA who helped the wayward's escape such a "horrible" situation. They have a hold on them. A tight grip. Like a religious cult. Take the cult member away from the cult where they can think clearly and the fog lifts and they can be saved. While cheaters are engaged with their OM/OW they will almost never "come around" or have that "ah ha" moment. The OM/OW will make sure of that. Nobody, and I mean nobody, has a chance at any type of rebuilding of a marriage as long as their cheater is still engaged in an A. OM/OW is not the problem? Maybe not ALL of the problem but they are a HUGE part of it and must be removed from the equation.
