2016 a New Year - getting out of my own fog

[Irish M]

So tomorrows mediation is set and confirmed. I will be going into it as a business man. Finalize all the financials. She walked away from me, our kids and our life. She will not get away with walking away from the responsibilities of her debt.

I haven't seen her face to face since the end of September or beginning Oct last year. I cant remember, it`s been sop long.

I'll be honest I am nervous. I have a vanisher so I don't see her changes, moods or anything. I don`t see her on Facebook (my choice). It will be very weird sitting next to her.

Her birthday is next week, I won't mention it at all.
My D's have instructed me that they want nothing to do with W's birthday since she missed theirs. If she asks I`ll reply- ask them yourself.

I sometimes wish she was more like other sitch`s, that I would have weekly contact at kid exchanges or she still lived here. I know it`s hell for some. I guess i miss her more today since i will be sitting in the same room with her for an hour or so.

The last time she looked like an emotional wreck. Hands and head were shaking. Looked tired. she still couldn't`look at me in the eyes.

I am not going in there to be hurt. I am passed that. She can`t hurt me anymore. I will try not to imagine her looking amazing. I will take tomorrow as it comes.

What I am afraid of is I will see her as her mother. Cold and insensitive. If she acts more like my MIL. I will be shaking my head in disbelief. I will probably just give up all hope.
She is better than that I know. I just don`t think she has the strength to get through this and fix her mistakes . Especially with the D`s. Her pride is too strong....but then again I never thought she would abandon them either. Who knows.


Irish