I think the work is done in chunks, and there are breather periods in the middle …
This is what I have noticed.
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As I left Friday night she again said her go to “See we are Oil and Water, we just do not work”
I remember hearing similar many times, but that was quite a while ago. My wife knows her husband is a good deal for her, and deep down yours does too!
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W calls me up asking if we were going to do the bike ride with S...
...W woke … and ended up watching a movie with us.
The fact that she wants to do stuff with you means a lot, Cali. Many spouses would love to have that. Build on it!
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So Observations. I have been doing a bit of mirroring with her. I do not start conversations, I will reply to her questions and hold conversations provided she stays interested.
I found mirroring to be a very valuable tool. I could give my wife space, while still being there for her. As you know, this sometimes takes a lot of strength! But I believe our spouse's see this strength... and it is attractive.
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W set up a Psychic Reading, personally .. not my thing but hey she is searching for answers and that alone tells me she is working on things.
My wife did the psychic thing too! Ok, mostly because girlfriend was going, but still... it's all about searching for something, right? This is stuff they need to do, for them. And the fact that she shares this (and other stuff) with you? Priceless! Really a good sign there, Cali.
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So, hopefully she processes this, deals with it .. I will try to urge her to see professional help but as I have read, and its true in Ws case, she went to 3-4 ICs during MLC, not liking what they had to say during that replay stage she is rather jaded when it comes to therapy and has been pretty reluctant to go …. However she was at ease seeing the priest I suggested, so I may very well push her in that direction gently. Again, she has to want to fix this, at this point I can only plant a tiny seed here and there
Good luck, urging never worked for me no matter how gently. They gotta wanna on their own. And, I believe it is possible for them to do it without outside help.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
