At this point I'm really just coming here to tag up with you and Grlonfr. I am starting to need long periods where I just don't think about relationship stuff at all.
Getting through it and moving forward just takes time I think. A longer time than we'd like and different for everyone. I think an ideal to strive for would be to refuse to wallow in the misery and grief, and hold on too tightly, but also not try to rush forward and deny the reality of the pain right now. I can't say I've gotten there.
I too would be willing to reconcile in a healthy way if she came to me and suggested it (at least, I think I would...a lot of trust issues though that make me wonder as time goes on...). I think my sitch is a whole lot bleaker than yours though. Mine would likely involve AA/rehab on her part, all kinds of stuff like that that I don't think she would ever do...and the fact that our D is now final reduces those odds to almost nil.
If you've ever seen the Showtime series Nurse Jackie, my XW isn't too far off from her. No drug habit as far as I know, but drinking, constant deception and lying, cheating, manipulating, and using family, friends and co-workers is very close from what I've seen and just what I know about my XW's activities.
I do miss my family being together. That's still really difficult even though our kids are grown. But I have a friend who reminds me it was an illusion because of what I now know my XW was up to.
I think you will be mourning the loss for a while. For me at this point it has withered down to a moment here and there...something I'm often aware of but that doesn't really affect my mood or thoughts too much most of the time.
I'm trying to stay focused on my own GAL stuff. Not interested in riding a rocket into the future but I know it's coming for me I do want to be strong and prepared for it.
I think you have some good GAL stuff going and good goals. Don't be too hard on yourself. This is a very, very hard thing. You're getting there.
