The wife came home that night and asked to talk, I was already in bed watching tv but I still said yes (last time I do that). She spent 45min explaining the talk she had with her mom and brother that day, really pouring out her feelings. She is focusing all her anger at her family right now, they think she has gone crazy. I listened and validated her. At the end she mentioned that she can never truly be open and honest with me (or her family) about her feelings, that I never cared. I simply asked, what was the last 45min then? She looked confused and I said goodnight and went to bed without another word
Perfect!
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She came into the bedroom and said "I love you, even if you don't believe that right now". WTH?
Pay no attention to it. She doesn't mean it.
I think you are doing very well, especially considering you've just joined the board. I do suggest you continue to take charge of the bills and protecting your finances. Too many WW's completely wipe out their H's savings, max out the credit cards, and money he thinks is going for bills is really financing her A in some way.
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I wanted to stay and talk more, explain that I do care and that is why I'm listening to her for the last 45min. Even though she is my cheating wife. BUT I didn't.
Glad you didn't, b/c it's not about you showing her how much you care. This entire situation is about her waywardness. Stay focused about that issue. Stay balanced and do not let her twist things around and blame you for what she's doing to the family and the MR (and she will probably try to do it).
If she moves out, do not offer financial support. I am not really in favor of the fact that she gets to live in a very nice house, have a car, gets to take nice trips, and other things that go with being your wife. She gets the good life and at the same time....she gets to continue her A. She has the advantages of being in a M with you, without any disadvantages ..........like being faithful, a supportive W, etc. (if you call that disadvantages). How long are you willing for her to live with you and openly conduct an A? Just wondering, b/c if she and the OM should break up, I think she'll move on to OM#2, or girls gone wild. So, you may need to think about this carefully.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
